“Cockheads!”
That’s what it said, right next to a drawing of a penis, etched into the dirt on our back windscreen.
Whilst my partner fretted, my only thought was why they used the term cockheads instead of dickheads which is far more a prevalent term.
This isn’t the first time someone has taken to using our car as their canvas, a couple of years ago after some snow someone had drawn a penis entering a bum, emblazoned with the words “gay bum boys”
I guess we are being harassed. Should I be taking this seriously?
Many of my friends have been subject to various levels of bullying and harassment in public and at work, for being gay or otherwise and affected them to varying degrees. I have no experience to draw on, I’ve coasted through life without any trouble, or have I just been oblivious to it?
Is it worrying that someone , probably living in my street, possibly a next door neighbour has such an opinion of the people living nearby. Or are windscreens just a handy way for airing your views?
My other thought was to correct their grammatical errors and grade their work, I thought their penis drawing was rather bulbous and if this was a self-portrait I would recommend a visit to their GP.
I can honestly say I have never felt victimized, never once felt unsafe or fearful.
I cannot even begin to comprehend why how I live bothers someone so much to make these kind of statements as I would not give a passing thought to how someone lives their life. And besides this isn’t a hick backwater, this is Camden Town where anything goes.
All I feel is pity for someone who must be unhappy in their lives and therefore feels the need to impart their dissatisfaction on others. This is the essence of bullying is it not? Insecurities of themselves so by attempting to make someone else feel like a piece of shit somehow gives them a little boost, a little power and control over something which they don’t have over their own lives.
But honestly you are wasting your time, I really don’t care, nothing much upsets me and you’ll never be able to make me feel bad.
But I know I am lucky to feel that way, many more other people are vulnerable and affected by bullying and harassment in often fatal consequences. I wish I could assure them it doesn’t matter, be confident in yourself, give them two fingers (and spare a thought for their misshapen penis)
londonsurvival 
Ruby
/ November 26, 2012Such a profound post, and my only take-away is, “they call them ‘wind screens’?? How odd!”
But rock on with your personal strength. I need me some of that.
joehoover
/ November 26, 2012What do you call them?
Ruby
/ November 26, 2012Why, windshields, of course!
joehoover
/ November 26, 2012Shield? Signifies something very protective or impeneterable. You still call the wipers windshield wipers then?
Ruby
/ November 26, 2012But of course they’re windshield wipers! Screen… that makes me think of a sheet of grated metal that keeps bugs but not air out of places.
joehoover
/ November 26, 2012I’ll add it to the list of words Americans get wrong 😀
Ruby
/ November 26, 2012Hmph!
Laura
/ November 26, 2012Well, yes — they’re supposed to be impenetrable. A windshield keeps all the wind out. A windscreen would let some of the wind through. That’s just shoddy workmanship.
joehoover
/ November 27, 2012We like the breeze in our hair, so we can pretend we are in a convertible in British weather
Le Clown
/ November 26, 2012LS,
I’m so very sorry for these act of cruel intimidation. Even a drawing can have a daunting effect on the victim. Thank you for writing this…
L’Éric
joehoover
/ November 26, 2012They don’t bother me, my partner is worried though, I was thinking I was of strong character for ignoring or laughing at it, maybe I am being a bit naive. Still won;t bother me too much though
Tori Nelson
/ November 26, 2012My dad calls this “passing the shitty stick”. It’s a hick translation to the old “Misery loves company” idea. I firmly believe that the sad and otherwise pathetic feel a NEED to drag other’s down. They need to pass their shitty feelings to someone else, find someone to wallow in the mud beside them. Good for you for knowing better than to take the insults of the insecure to heart.
joehoover
/ November 26, 2012Thanks, I’m glad I can ignore it but from reading other blogs it’s clear how much people can be affected by the way they are treated and the blog can be a release. May be simplistic to say but I hope people can ignore them and be confident in how intelligent, funny, warm and caring they are and see it for what it is.
El Guapo
/ November 26, 2012That last paragraph is excellent advice for anyone, Joe.
As long as you have a sense of humor about the backward folk, it makes them a lot easier to deal with.
joehoover
/ November 26, 2012I think it is my next door neighbour and his son, he is an old guy who likes to spend all night from 1am til 6am banging on the wall non stop. His window was smsahed one weekend (I was out of town luckily) he put up a sign saying “Reward for information, no police involved” Sounded a bit sinister.
Cakes and Shakes...
/ November 26, 2012Haha – revenge really is a dish best served cold. My favourite reaction to bullies is therefore to ignore them completely. I am delighted that you haven’t experienced prejudice, either. While none of the very lovely gay men I know have experienced discrimination etc. you do still hear of inconceivable hate crimes that go on. It really beggars belief that people can be that interested in other people’s business.
joehoover
/ November 26, 2012Exactly, some countries it’se illegal. Doesn’t excuse his behaviour but I won’t let him affect me
Doggy's Style
/ November 26, 2012I have often asked myself the same, I’ve never felt any kind of discrimination of felt treated differently because I am gay, sometimes I wonder if I’m just willingly oblivious to it because a lot of my friends have suffer from one or many forms of bullying. Back in school nobody messed with me, I was not a badass, but somehow I was the bully. I wouldn’t pay attention to something like that but as you said even the silliest thing can affect other people.
I just can’t understand why being gay is even a issue.
joehoover
/ November 26, 2012I like to think it is self confidence, if we are happy in our skin we won’t let others beat us down, but then it’s not even like I’ve had any situations where people have tried either.
And with the gay thing, there is even bullying with the gay community which I find odd, I see younger gay guys laughing at the older guys or a transexual, do they not realise without these guys coming out when they did that the young guys woudln’t be able to act like they do – it wouldn’t be so accepted, they did all the hard work.
Why are some people targetted more than others? At school I guess it was people who were just different who were picked on, I always liked the different ones, much more interesting. I recall one girl was picked on, I liked her after Art class as her painting was of a killer whale floating in mid air whilst giving birth. I thought that was pretty cool, but others just saw her ginger hair and glasses and beat her down all the time.
kayjai
/ November 26, 2012Some people are idiots…good for you to take their ill-drawn penis as a sign they are replenishing their own gene pool….
joehoover
/ November 26, 2012Thanks! Why are they drawing penises anyway, I like them.
pouringmyartout
/ November 26, 2012This just makes me sad and angry. Maybe you are not in danger, but in America, there have been tragic incidents of violence. If I was walking by and saw these young… scallywags at their artistic hate-mongering work, I would threaten them with bodily harm, even if I didn’t know it was your car. I would not initiate a fight, but I am not above hoping they would take a swing at me so I could defend myself.
I love you, man.
joehoover
/ November 27, 2012I think it’s an old scallywag! I have my suspicions, I’ll put my Jessica Fletcher outfit on and investigate.
Thanks!
pouringmyartout
/ November 27, 2012I just hate in when straight people make the rest of us look bad.
joehoover
/ November 27, 2012It’s ok, I was straight before I was gay, let me put that another eay, I was sleeping with women before I tried men.
I can tell the good ones
pouringmyartout
/ November 27, 2012I think that is what is worrying a lot of these guys. They spend so much time thinking about it that they must want to do it some level. Just a theory. It might be good for them. That’s another theory.
joehoover
/ November 27, 2012If that’s the case I hope it’s the guy who lives on the other side of the street, I’ll gladly initiate him.
pouringmyartout
/ November 27, 2012Oh yeah… show him the error of his ways!
Laura
/ November 26, 2012Sorry your neighbors are such cockheads, Joe. My first thought is that both these things seem like the work of a child, but in a way it’s even sadder that a kid would grow up thinking that way.
On a lighter note, I’ve never heard the word “cockheads” before — this blog is so educational! I’m going to a family dinner later tonight and can’t wait to show off my new vocabulary word.
joehoover
/ November 27, 2012Let me know how that went down
We use the work cock a lot but not really cockhead. Knobhead and dickead but not cockhead
Maybe it is a kid and I am accusing my neighbour, I better stop putting cat shit through his letterbox then
appletonavenue
/ November 26, 2012It seems to be natural to harass the new comer, the odd man out, the one that is different. Look at the great apes, and other animals. They will often drive off a sick mate, etc. Apparently some people are still in the animalistic part of their evolution and haven’t reached the 21st Century with the rest of us.
joehoover
/ November 27, 2012But I’m the alpha male (or at least my cat thinks so) 🙂
pinkagendist
/ November 26, 2012It was me… I did it 😀
And if you look outside your window, that’s me under the street lamp 😀
joehoover
/ November 27, 2012The street lamp is right outside my window, they can probably see right in which can’t be pretty.
the curtain raiser
/ November 26, 2012Love this post and your outlook. Along a similar vane, I’ve had my car keyed a couple of times because someone doesn’t like my lifestyle as a legal parker in their street. I kept doing it anyway refusing to give into the intimidation.
joehoover
/ November 27, 2012🙂 Thanks! Everyone needs to relax and get on, something needs to be out in the water/discount wine to chill veryone out.
benzeknees
/ November 27, 2012I am glad you have the confidence & demeanor to protect you from feeling victimized throughout your life. So many people are bullied at one time or another & it doesn’t have to be for something big, it can be a pimple (which is temporary, so why would anyone bother to degrade someone for pimples). Just keep on keeping on!
joehoover
/ November 27, 2012Exactly, and thanks. I was watching a show on kids feeling bad about their appearance and drives them to cosmetic surgery, they juxtaposed it with kids who were in awful accidents so scarred from burning for example, very intersting.
People need to work on their self confidence and self belief instead.
She's a Maineiac
/ November 27, 2012I like what Tori said,, about ‘passing the shitty stick’. I just will never understand it. I suppose anything that’s even a little bit different is fair game to these type of people. What are they afraid of? What do they get out of bullying? Are they that miserable with themselves that it’s the only way to give them a temporary ego boost? whatever the reason, I’m glad I don’t live my life that way. must suck to be them!
joehoover
/ November 27, 2012Thanks Darla!
It’s weird to look at people looking for faults and being bothered by things that have no bearing on your own life.
People are endlessley fascintating so the more facets to them the better, They are thoroughly entertaining and keep me occupied on my train journeys 🙂
Madame Weebles
/ November 27, 2012In Camden Town?? That’s ridiculous. If it were me I’d definitely be angered by this, but not threatened. Maybe if it were elsewhere in London, or elsewhere in England I’d be more inclined to see it as a real threat. I understand your partner’s concern, though. But I’d really like to think that this is just some idiot with no motive other than being an ass. Not that it makes it acceptable, obviously. I’m sorry, Joe–that’s really not cool.
joehoover
/ November 28, 2012I know, Camden Town is only open to the alterntaives
gingerfightback
/ November 28, 2012Fuck ’em Joe
joehoover
/ November 29, 2012Maybe that’s what he’s afraid of, in the literal sense
Linda Vernon
/ December 4, 2012Joe, you sound really easy going and secure. Ah what a refreshing attitude that is in today’s world. I’m with you in that the person who wrote that is extremely unhappy and insecure. But it kind of tickles me that by you just being your natural, easy-going, fun loving self, enjoying your life and going about your business makes that person SO angry makes me just want to say ha ha ha! Nanny Nanny Nanny! But then I’ve always been pretty mature for my age (61). I’ve found that bullies (and they seem to be everywhere you go in some form or other) are huge cowards who are jealous of people who are happy with themselves and the happier you are the more you will torture them . . . bwa hahaha!
joehoover
/ December 5, 2012Maybe too easy going, nothing really riles me. I find it too easy too ignore bigots and idiots, which may be the wrong approach as I guess they need to be stood up to aswell.
I find it more satisfying to mock them rather than get angered by them. I took great delight in a Chick Fil A post making fun of them
Linda Vernon
/ December 5, 2012Oh I’ll have to check that out. Humor can be a very satisfying weapon. I’ve used it a time or two – very cathartic! 😀