My Month Condensed

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these posts which used to be My Week Condensed but I haven’t posted in so long that a month is now apt.

1) Everyone  on the train buries their heads in their I-pads and phones, and they are missing life’s quirks.    No one bats an eyelid at the man who gets on my train everyday with a pushchair – minus a baby.   It’s replaced by a carrier bag and an umbrella.   He doesn’t even push the pushchair, he carries it.

He doesn’t look too crazy, he procures some spectacles from his pocket to read the newspaper, he takes care to move his buggy out of people’s way when embarking or disembarking the train.   So why does he lug the pushchair with him everywhere?   I’m convinced it’s just another form of transport, people carry their fold up bikes and scooters on the train so I have visions of him living at the top of a really steep hill and every morning he steps into his buggy and propels himself down the hill to the station.   He carries that buggy around all day just for that one burst of adrenalin in the morning.   I hope he wears a cape too.

2) I spent the weekend at the London Tattoo Convention, originally intending to be tattooed there, but thankfully relieved I didn’t after seeing the victims crammed into tight spaces or sitting uncomfortably on tables being inked.   I thought back to my tattoo where I had a lovely room to myself, laying horizontally in so much comfort that I fell asleep at one point.

My highlight though was not for best tattoo, but for the sheer WTF aspect.

This has special meaning for me since the tattoist responsible for this was from Luxembourg and I was just there a month ago and walked past this very shop and thought I should just get something done, I didn’t and probably just aswell.  Check out what he did – he tattooed geisha’s with vaginal faces, or vageishas if you will.

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3)  I’m looking to purchase a property in London, the very reason that has kept me away from blogging.  Although I use the word London very loosely since in the areas afforded to me there isn’t anything remotely ‘Londonish’ about it.  Where are the lady tramps squatting for a wee in full display of the high street?  Where were the symphony of car sirens that usually accompany my evening?  Where are the crackheads leaning against my living room window?

I’ll need to change this blog to Greater London Survival and report instead on the gossip of middle class mothers at the bus stop.  I’m exaggerating, I can’t even afford the nicest part of middle class mumdom.  I’ll be cast on the fringes where mothers wear their hair tightly back stretching their features, where they chain smoke and high fashion is a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, where they queue to drop their baby off at nursery in time for their own attendance at the secondary school next door.

You won’t believe your eyes!  (or your ears if you are blind and someone is reading this post aloud too you) when I divulge how much 500sq feet of property gets you here.  I know you have mudrooms bigger – I’ve seen them on Pinterest.

I’ll  be sure to keep you updated on the dramas of suburbia when the deli runs out of sourdough baguettes and all hell breaks loose.

….

Coming soon:  Movember rolls around once more and I have a half finished posts from last year.  A special Movember edition of Downton Shabby

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47 Comments

  1. If you are moving to suburbia, you might as well get a vagina face tattooed on your face.

    Reply
  2. So basically the neighbourhoods you mention are full of Vicky Pollard look alike?
    What team are you joining this year(Movember)?
    I haven’t seen anything within the blogging community and my friends back home have decided not to sport a mustache this year.

    Reply
  3. I thought you and your partners were heading off for greener pastures?

    Reply
  4. Anonymous

     /  October 25, 2013

    Was in North East London yesterday – sweet Jesus

    Reply
  5. Who knew vagina faces were all the rage? Hmpf….good luck with the property procuring…and stuff.

    Reply
  6. I thought you were moving to Canada? Joe, you led me on! We need another joker like you around here.

    Reply
    • It all changed! My other half got a promotion in London instead so we are buying a property now. I don;t think they would let me in to Canada – they still haven’t replied to my request to confirm if I am allowed entry, that was 6 months ago.

      Reply
  7. Well even if you can only afford 500 square feet, it’s always exciting looking for a place to buy. You should post some picture of the places you look at, how much they are etc. I would be really interested in seeing what you can get over there as opposed to here. And that guy with the stroller! HA! I’ll be that’s exactly what he does. What a great story that would make. I think you should follow him around one of these days. And see what the deal is with him. Glad your back! 😀

    Reply
    • I also would be very interested to see what you get in London. Please do Joe!

      Reply
      • I can do, I have some nice pics of my little London cottage now which I am going to miss. It’s only rented but I’ve regarded it as my home. But I am close to the centre and in a lively area, I will be moving to somewhere a bit surburban but have some London woodland nearby so will still be nice.

        Reply
    • I checked again – it is 600 sq ft! All that extra room to swing my cat.

      The flat I have is obviously small compared to American homes but at least I found one that is in good order, some are just shockingly decorated or just disgustingly dirty.

      Reply
      • Oh well now you can really get into small space decorating and living. It will be challenging, but if it is in good condition and you don’t have a lot of repairs it will be fun as all get out!

        Reply
  8. I wish you the best of luck in finding something affordable, and liveable! It’s like that everywhere, I don’t know how people afford houses. The only way I got mine was because the VA allows you to finance the whole thing, no down payment to save for. Though it does make your payments larger. (And not that I will have the house much longer. By next year the bank will own it outright.)

    Reply
  9. And one comment about the vageishas: Ew! What would ever possess someone to put that on their body?!

    Reply
    • You get some odd tattoos alright, I was surprised to see that at the convention though, its usually a bit more flair and artistry on display

      Reply
      • I can appreciate a beautiful tattoo. But those were just ugly and sort of demeaning to women.

        Reply
        • Yes, terrible and there were amazing women there rocking tattoos. And some of the best tattooists there were women. My tattoo was done by a Thai lady a few years ago, and I have earmarked female tattooists in England and one in the Czech Republic who I want to go to next, their work is incredible and I think they have more flair than many male artists. They all have a creative style that is just a bit different from more typical tattoos. The English one is making her work look like it was painted in watercolour, so even skull tattoo looks different. The lady in Prague does tattoos that look like abstract paintings. I like the idea of tattooing evolving into something resembling art you would hang on your wall.

          But then there was also hourly shows of a kid of gothic striptease, it wasn’t burlesque, it was pretty much stripping. I thought it all a bit pointless

          Reply
          • I remember you mentioning the Czech woman before. I’ve never seen anything like an abstract tattoo, you’ll have to post it when you finally get one.

            Gothic striptease? With the big clunky shoes they wear it could not have been very graceful. Happy you didn’t include photos of that. lol

            Reply
            • Haha! I am imagining that dance routine in those shoes now 🙂 I only glimpsed it in passing, but I reckon they only did the goth make up 🙂

              Reply

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