News broke this week that residents of the Falkland Islands have voted pretty unanimously to remain a British Overseas Territory, with a turnout of more than 90% at the booths. They fell short of making it 100% as Dave from number 57 was watching The Weakest Link and lost track of time.
In celebration of this, here are some lesser known facts about life on the Islands:
1) Dame Daisy Valentina-Smythe is the name of the sheep honoured on their flag below. She was once mayor of the Falkland Islands for a record 8 years until she was retired and made into a delectable mutton stew. Eating former mayors is a tradition on the Islands dating back 264 years.
2) Union Jack suits are the national dress as reflected in this photo below, two of the Island’s most colourful characters, Betty and Simon are seen going about their everyday lives as they pop down to the shops for some custard creams.
3) Whilst English is most commonly spoken, they do have their own language which shares many similarities to the dialect spoken by The Teletubbies.
4) They were first to set up a car club. Below you can see Alison Merryweather using one of the cars, it doesn’t matter that she is blind drunk, as she’s also the island’s police Sargent.
5) Once, Eileen from the Post Office had a huge row with her husband Norman about how he always left his handkerchiefs down the side of the sofa. She would use a tissue and put them up her sleeve tucked under her wrist. Things became very heated and they had to visit the Island’s marriage counsellor, Alison Merryweather (also police Sargent and island drunk). You can bet that Norman doesn’t stash away his snotty hankies down the side of the sofa any more!
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This following are from a blurb on The Falkland Islands very own website, I took a few of the statements that stood out for me and added some cynical responses, I’m sure I’m ok to do this, they are British after all so they will have our famous sense of humor and self deprecating nature.
- Our growing community of 2563 people is diverse; with people from over 60 nations living in the Islands we are a truly cosmopolitan society. (London, Paris, New York, Milan….there always felt like there was one missing)
- It is testament to the strong bond our young people have with their home that nearly all return on completion of their studies. (Conditioning has its flaws, many find life on the outside difficult to adjust to)
- We have broadband internet access. (Welcome to 1997)
- Whilst one of the smallest Capitals in the world, Stanley provides a variety of supermarkets and gift shops ( Is there is no escaping Poundland’s reach?)
- The Falkland Islanders are a peaceful, hard-working and resilient people. Our society is thriving and forward-looking. All we ask is to be left in peace to choose our own future, and responsibly develop our home for our children and generations to come. We would ask that our rights, our points of view and above all our wishes are respected and considered by all. (Whoops, sorry)
londonsurvival 
Mooselicker
/ March 13, 2013Man you hate this place and I do too now.
Is Alison Merryweather also the island whore? I like a lady who keeps busy.
Great post. Very funny.
joehoover
/ March 13, 2013About 900 servicemen and women died across both sides in the Falklands War, fighting over a bit of land 2000 odd people lived on. Can’t get past that statistic, seems a bit daft to me.
The idea of a British outpost miles away where hey have a traditional pub, a red phone box and cornish pasties doesn’t make sense to me. We have islands surrounding our shores, just live there, the ones near France have better weather too, and you can fly to London to see a West End musical.
Doggy's Style
/ March 13, 2013I was going to ask the same about Alison!
Good one!
Mooselicker
/ March 13, 2013Every island needs a whore. It was the most natural thing to ask.
joehoover
/ March 13, 2013Not just every island, every pub, every street, sometimes my train carriage
Ruby
/ March 13, 2013Do I sense a real Vancouver alternative option here or what?!!?
joehoover
/ March 13, 2013Hah! I would move abroad to sample a different culture, I can’t think of anything worse than being abroad and being surrounded by Britishness. I don’t get it.
pouringmyartout
/ March 13, 2013Sometimes I think you might just be making this stuff up…
joehoover
/ March 13, 2013Me? Never! 😀
pouringmyartout
/ March 14, 2013Ha!
Doggy's Style
/ March 13, 2013I wanna visit that place. I gotta find out if I need a visa to enter.
joehoover
/ March 13, 2013It’s close to Argentina but I think that would be a better destination. You could propably go to any town in England and find places like that though, full of wierdos
She's a Maineiac
/ March 13, 2013Ruby took my comment! And I just love Alison Merryweather’s hair, very festive. By the way, everyone knows the proper place to keep your tissues is stuffed up inside your bra like my dear ol’ Gram used to do.
joehoover
/ March 13, 2013Your bra!!! I have never heard of that one, you crazy Americans!
benzeknees
/ March 14, 2013I stuff my tissues up my sleeve too! It’s only proper! LOL I laugh because I never wear long sleeves anymore!
joehoover
/ March 14, 2013I based that on my parents, my mother does the sleeve tissue and my dad the hankie sofa vanishing trick
gingerfightback
/ March 14, 2013Love it Joe – them suits them suits……
joehoover
/ March 14, 2013I couldn’t let it slide. I may not have a Union Jack suit but I’ll show him British.
DrFrood
/ March 14, 2013Not to be churlish, but typically when ‘democratic’ votes return overwhelming 98% in favour votes, one tends to phone the UN and cry foul. Also, I don’t recall this whole voting/self-determination lark over Hong Kong and other vestigial limbs of the Empire.
joehoover
/ March 14, 2013Ha! Very good points Dr. Do you think the Islanders were coerced in voting for this? Where is Maggie anyway, she’ll be behind it somehow.
DrFrood
/ March 15, 2013Last I heard, she was receiving special one on one training from Steven Seagal in preparation for Falklands War II: This Time It’s Personal
El Guapo
/ March 14, 2013Wow, I didn’t know the falklands werte big enough to sustain five facts!
joehoover
/ March 15, 2013It was hard going to find 5 believe me, I aimed for 10 and quickly found that to be futile
aFrankAngle
/ March 14, 2013Incredible research Joe. To be able to discover the island whore is one thing, but wow … loads of info. I have an idea how the UK can get away from the Fauklands …. give them to the Canadians … perfect with you and Vancouver.
joehoover
/ March 15, 2013Canada can have them at weekends and holidays
Madame Weebles
/ March 15, 2013That last comment in parentheses made me laugh out loud, Joe. Who knew the Falklands were such a hotbed of… well, who knew anything about the Falklands in the first place? If they were smart, they’d try to turn it into the Dubai of the Southern Hemisphere and make a few bucks.
joehoover
/ March 15, 2013That would be good, they don;t seem very progressive at all though. I just don;t get how having this bubble of Britishness thousands of miles away is so great. It sounds to me they focus to much on it, national identities blur over time and they seem like they are clinging onto to something bygone. It’s like when Brits go to Spain on holiday and only eat British food and in British themed pubs. Britishness to me is a state of mind and not having a red phone box and eating fish and chips.
Lily
/ March 15, 2013Lol I love this! I literally never think about the Falkland Islands, but now when I think of them, I shall do so with utter embarrassment. What a sorry excuse for a society.
joehoover
/ March 18, 2013yeah! how silly to be skipping around an island pretending to be British yet having none of the actual problems of living in Britain with an overloaded NHS and school system, terrible transport infrastructure and overcrowding. They don’t have a clue
Linda Vernon
/ March 20, 2013Hahaha! Welcome to 1997. Somehow that doesn’t surprise me. Call me stupid (but not to my face I’m sensitive) but what would they be if not a colony of Britain? A country? An Island, A small town out in the middle of nowhere? And I’ll move anywhere they speak teletubbie. For English press one, for Teletubbie press 2 . . . 😀
joehoover
/ March 21, 2013They should be independant and find their own identity, I bet few of them have ever been to Britain, so it strikes me as a bit odd.
They could just be Teletubbies, it would be something..
Linda Vernon
/ March 21, 2013Hahahah! You are going to have to do a follow up post to this one Joe and tell how they just discovered that the Falkland Islands are populated by a mutant race of Teletubbies and nobody knew about it because no one ever goes there.
joehoover
/ March 22, 2013That’s why Thatcher was so keen to defend them, she birthed them all
Linda Vernon
/ March 23, 2013LOL!!! Never underestimate the power of a mother’s love. Oh I love the direction Joe Hoover’s dispatches from Falkland Island is going in!
LoligoFK
/ March 29, 2014As an actual Falkland Islander I had to reply to this. Luckilly we have the dark, British sense of humour and although there were some rather cheap shots in this piece, on the whole it was genuinely funny, I particularly like the idea of eating our mayors (perhaps a tradition that London could take up?).
p.s I voted YES
joehoover
/ March 31, 2014Hello from way over there! How exciting, this is a first!
And thank you for getting it, you are truly British being able to poke fun at ourselves.
I think I’d draw the line at Boris, I imagine he’d be a bit too chewy 🙂