Assholes on the Underground

LU

Incident 1:

Man squeezes between myself and another man despite plenty of room beyond me.

“Would you like to move over there”  he requests of me

“No, but it sounds like you do”  I reply

Why was he positioning himself between myself and the other gentleman as if he were the filling in some kind of sexy sandwich?

.

Incident 2:

Woman flailing her arms about as she recites a tedious story about something or other.   It was akin to a deaf person attempting to sign after dropping an ecstasy pill.  I really didn’t fancy those crassly painted nails stabbing me in the eye either.

.

Incident 3:

Can anyone give me the number to call to arrange a few more people to stand around by the doors without any intention of getting off at that stop?   You are aware we can’t walk straight through you, well, not without the use of a lawnmower held aloft like a scene from Braindead.

braindead-300x300

And I heard you tutting, yes you, with the hairstyle resembling a mop head.   Don’t be so dismayed that half of us got our earphone cables tangled in your umbrella since it was protruding so ungracefully from your market stall designer knock-off handbag.

.

Incident 4:

You people who look at me with scorn for daring to descend the stairs as you try to run up them to catch the train.  Why are you running for the train as if it where the last one to leave the Earth before the meteor strikes anyway?   Surely you are not late for work?  I am surprised you have a job since you can’t even decipher the sign that says ‘KEEP LEFT’

.

Is it just London that has a higher asshole to civilised person ratio?

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37 Comments

  1. Le Clown

     /  February 27, 2013

    Joe,
    I could have liked this post just for the Braindead poster… It’s still a favourite today… It seems what goes down in the London Underground is not too far from what we live in the Montreal subway… just with a different English accent, that is…
    Le Clown

    Reply
  2. Jim

     /  February 27, 2013

    i endure this nonsense, atleast 10 times per wk… i’d cycle to work if i wasn’t such a fattie.

    Reply
    • I’ve not cycled for 18 months, I now can’t cycle as far as the end of my road without needing hospital treatment.

      Reply
  3. When we lived near London – my husband took the train in. Since we were the second last stop on the line, there was always a seat in the morning. For the first few weeks after he started taking the train, it didn’t matter where he stood while he waited for the train, or where he sat on the train, It was always the exact standing spot, or the exact seat of someone who had been standing or sitting there for years. The offended patron would attempt to stand or sit as close as possible, which looked very odd when the platform or the train was still quite empty.

    Reply
    • Brilliant! People get crazy on their commute, like it’s survival of the fittest. People lose all common sense. I did watch a show on the underground which showed people’s behaviour on CCTV, and they do lose all sense. When a gate shutting off a corridor was being closed, instead of taking the next route being shown to them by an attendant they would instead be clamouring to get through the closing gate as if they feared being trapped underground forever! I think we are on auto pilot in these circumstances

      Reply
  4. One advantage of the NYC subway over the tube is that there is more romm for standees.
    A disadvantage is that it’s filled with jackass standees.

    Reply
    • I’m more of a bus fan. What are buses like there? I heard the ones in Vancouver only the crack heads ride. Sounds more fun

      Reply
      • NYC buses are the worst.
        No one moves to the back, so the front is so packed, the driver won’t stop to let people on, while half the bus is still empty.

        Reply
  5. People are just getting ruder. That is why I enjoy being so big. I never threaten or bluster. But I can stare down an asshole.

    Reply
  6. I share your pain Joe – was in London today and 3 and 4 featured at Paddington. Arsewipes!

    Reply
  7. smalls

     /  February 27, 2013

    The most in mind-bendingly annoying situation on the tube was always whilst waiting in a long queue to touch the Oyster. Rush hour, long queue, one women in front of you before the turnstile and she chooses THIS FUCKING moment to look in her bag for her card – unforgivable

    Reply
  8. It’s not just London, Joe. NYC is just as bad with the rudeness and stupidity. Although I have to admit that Londoners shove a lot more than New Yorkers. That really surprised me. I got a lot more people bumping me out of their way with their elbows in London than I ever have here. What’s that about???

    Reply
    • I’m surprised to hear that too? Can I be extremely generalistic and say it is because the fear that someone will have a gun on them that you don’t barge in America! 🙂

      I know have a vision of Londoners walking around elbows out waddling like penguins.

      Reply
  9. Anonymous

     /  February 27, 2013

    Unfortunately, assholes are everywhere…yes, even in my fair Canada…ugh. They must have some sort of support group or secret club like the Masons , going on…hmmm….

    Reply
  10. Hey! I’m not anonymous! WTF???.?

    Reply
  11. The buses in Edmonton are always full it seems. I hate when the bus fills up with teens who won’t move, have their ear pods on & yet still seem to think it’s OK to talk to a friend at the same time. Although I have not been classified as legally disabled, I still expect to get a seat near the front in the disabled section because I use a cane & cannot stand for any length of time due to balance & back problems. The worst time was when our bus broke down & we all had to traipse through snow to board another bus that was already full. I thought I would die if I didn’t get a seat, but luckily a younger man in the middle of the bus gave me his seat. That was one long bus ride in a very over full bus.

    Reply
    • I always stand, I hate the clamour for a seat. If I move to Vancouver I plan on being walking distance to work, I am only on a train for 20 minutes now but walking would be ideal. I used to cycle which was great too but I got too lazy for that.

      Reply
  12. I’ve never experienced the London underground, but Chicago, New York and Washington D.C. all have their proper “ah/cp” ratio. Toronto seems to have a less-than-average “ah” quotient.

    Reply
    • It must be a city thing, survival of the fittest. This town is way too busy, it seems to escalate more by the day, I feel it strangulating me. Everyone keeps telling me Vancouver will be deathly quiet as if it’s a bad thing!

      Reply
  13. This is why I rarely leave my house- I don’t like the people’s very much.

    Reply
  14. I know people have already said it before me, but I take the NYC subway to work every day. It’s insanity in a moving metal box underground. I had a collection of essays about the subway published a few years ago (The Subway Chronicles) and I learned this: you can’t escape the crazy.

    I hear people are more polite in Vancouver. 🙂

    Reply
  15. There is no limit to the number of assholes on this planet. I do believe there are more assholes now than say 50 years ago, but I guess there’s just more people, so statistically your chances of running into an asshole every day are pretty good. I figure it’s a good day if I only bump into one.

    Reply
    • 😀 Good point, we are worried about the effect of over population has on the planets resources but we are missing the bigger picture you highlight, more people is just more assholes. We need to act now!

      Reply
  16. The very reason I do not lacquer my nails, I’d die a thousand deaths to know they were described as “crassly painted”.
    Assholes cannot be escaped. They are everywhere taking more than their fair share; greedy, small minded, mean spirited, despicable nincompoops.

    Reply
    • This is bad news, I am making it my mission to move abroad and be rid of them, and avoiding our horrible winters which are now normal for us

      Reply

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