I’m having a love/hate relationship with London right now, mostly stemming from the realisation I was moving to Vancouver that I had mentally put aside my feelings of London and was looking for fault in the place to help sway a decision to move.
But it is now likely the move may be off – this will teach me to keep my thoughts to myself and not let myself be carried away. But then again, what are blogs for if not to emote our thoughts and dreams alongside pictures of The Queen with her knickers round her ankles. (I’ve used the word knickers in the last three posts I’ve done including over at Bloggers and Mash. It’s a nice word isn’t it)
You may know that the reason I was moving was my partner was transferring through work making a visa much more easily obtainable than through normal avenues. I still had to overcome a criminal conviction in my past but was confident it was sufficiently historical to not create a barrier.
His company quite unrealistically expected a move to be instant, in that we decide on a life changing move in a weekend, pack up 5 years worth of property, cancel a rental contract losing a £2000 deposit, sell a car, organise the cat to be flown over, quit my job and be on the first plane over there. Someone never told them life doesn’t work like that. This all means someone else will be taking the job, but then we may still go if that doesn’t work out or something.
All this tooing and froing has left me in limbo, I had decided quite firmly to move, I have researched so much about Vancouver, checking out flats, seeing what’s happening on the music scene and roaming the streets on Google Streetview that it already feels I know so much about the city and was pining for it.
Part of the process of deciding to move was letting London go, this city has made my life, it found my friends, it got me on the straight and narrow (well, maybe not straight in all senses of the word). I had to almost find reason to leave, luckily London’s bad sides are on the surface, how busy it is, how dirty it is, how damn cold it is lately, so it has been easy to use these to list in the pros of moving column.
I had begun to resent London, I suppose it is like harming someone you love, blaming them for something that isn’t really their fault it’s just their flaws. But I had to think of something to explain to my city why I am deserting them – by putting all the blame on them!
I have been in my job for 15 years and was excited and scared by the prospect of moving to a place with no job, there is a lot to be said for job security but then you need to gain your drive somewhere in life, you need to challenge yourself and break from the routine don’t you?
It’s not a closed book, the opportunity arises most years, and they do open up offices in other cities which could always be considered. I guess I know have to make it up to London, feeling as if I have had a brief illicit affair with another city. London will always be home, I would have always come back, maybe it was time for a break, maybe I would have missed her terribly.
The positives of this tumultuous few weeks have been I’ve de-cluttered quite a bit, something I love to do, perfect for clearing the mind. And I also got reaffirmation from friends upset I would be leaving (although some seemed far too excited by it and I’ll deal with them later).
What do you do when you make your mind up about something, get your hopes up for it to fall down. I’m not sure what to think, I don’t usually get my hopes up or make major plans, choosing to amble through life and arriving at 37 by accident. I became more scared of staying here and not doing anything else in life and now I may have to get back on board with resuming that life.
The way this company operates though the move could be back on again next week, who knows, in the meantime I will put it aside and carry on, I won’t mention it on this blog again until something concrete happens either way.
In some way this is a good thing, I can empty my mind of ultimatums and revert back to posting complete nonsense again, which I’m sure you’ll appreciate.