Falling in and out of love

BC Place_Aerial

I’m having a love/hate relationship with London right now, mostly stemming from the realisation I was moving to Vancouver that I had mentally put aside my feelings of London and was looking for fault in the place to help sway a decision to move.

But it is now likely the move may be off – this will teach me to keep my thoughts to myself and not let myself be carried away.  But then again, what are blogs for if not to emote our thoughts and dreams alongside pictures of The Queen with her knickers round her ankles.  (I’ve used the word knickers in the last three posts I’ve done including over at Bloggers and Mash.  It’s a nice word isn’t it)

You may know that the reason I was moving was my partner was transferring through work making a visa much more easily obtainable than through normal avenues.  I still had to overcome a criminal conviction in my past but was confident it was sufficiently historical to not create a barrier.

His company quite unrealistically expected a move to be instant, in that we decide on a life changing move in a weekend, pack up 5 years worth of property, cancel a rental contract losing a £2000 deposit, sell a car, organise the cat to be flown over, quit my job and be on the first plane over there.  Someone never told them life doesn’t work like that.   This all means someone else will be taking the job, but then we may still go if that doesn’t work out or something.

All this tooing and froing has left me in limbo,  I had decided quite firmly to move, I have researched so much about Vancouver, checking out flats, seeing what’s happening on the music scene and roaming the streets on Google Streetview that it already feels I know so much about the city and was pining for it.

Part of the process of deciding to move was letting London go, this city has made my life, it found my friends, it got me on the straight and narrow (well, maybe not straight in all senses of the word).   I had to almost find reason to leave, luckily London’s bad sides are on the surface, how busy it is, how dirty it is, how damn cold it is lately, so it has been easy to use these to list in the pros of moving column.

I had begun to resent London, I suppose it is like harming someone you love, blaming them for something that isn’t really their fault it’s just their flaws.   But I had to think of something to explain to my city why I am deserting them – by putting all the blame on them!

I have been in my job for 15 years and was excited and scared by the prospect of moving to a place with no job, there is a lot to be said for job security but then you need to gain your drive somewhere in life, you need to challenge yourself and break from the routine don’t you?

It’s not a closed book, the opportunity arises most years, and they do open up offices in other cities which could always be considered.    I guess I know have to make it up to London, feeling as if I have had a brief illicit affair with another city.   London will always be home, I would have always come back, maybe it was time for a break, maybe I would have missed her terribly.

The positives of this tumultuous few weeks have been I’ve de-cluttered quite a bit, something I love to do, perfect for clearing the mind.   And I also got reaffirmation from friends upset I would be leaving  (although some seemed far too excited by it and I’ll deal with them later).

What do you do when you make your mind up about something, get your hopes up for it to fall down.  I’m not sure what to think, I don’t usually get my hopes up or make major plans, choosing to amble through life and arriving at 37 by accident.   I became more scared of staying here and not doing anything else in life and now I may have to get back on board with resuming that life.

The way this company operates though the move could be back on again next week, who knows, in the meantime I will put it aside and carry on, I won’t mention it on this blog again until something concrete happens either way.

In some way this is a good thing, I can empty my mind of ultimatums and revert back to posting complete nonsense again, which I’m sure you’ll appreciate.

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45 Comments

  1. Real life can be such a pain in the ass!!
    Lol- any job prospects in Ohio?? I need help de-cluttering, Joe Hoover!

    Reply
    • Do you have a film industry there?! that’s what he works in. I would love a job de-cluttering people, it’s in demand now people are hoarders. I don’t have a good psychological approach to understand why they hoard, I would just demand something is slung out.

      Reply
  2. You are right Joe – knickers is a great word. But would it be appreciated in Vancouver? I think not – a lucky escape. Perhaps you should use this as a test in future moving decisions – how do the locals react to the word knickers. (Oi Freud – on yer bike son, there’s a new kid in town!)

    Reply
    • You speak so many truths. I would have had to say things like pants in the wrong context, spell things wrongly and put the day and the month back to front too I expect. We’ve let these old colonies get out of control.

      Reply
      • Here Here! UKIP have all the answers!

        Reply
        • We don’t bother voting unless we live on the Falklands and have a Union Jack suit. Their purchases of Union Jack suits is all that’s keeping us on the motherland afloat.

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          • I’m glad you spotted that (how could you not?) I remember a couple emigrating to the Falklands after the wall to open a chip shop as apparently it was a great place to go. They were never heard of again.

            Reply
            • They only have one telephone on the island, the traditional red one, I keep seeing it on the news. If some scallywag vandalised it then BT are never going to send an engineer out there. No wonder they were never heard of.

              Reply
    • they may not like the word Knickers in Vancouver, but they’d be too polite to say anything.

      Reply
  3. Get it all out J.H. Life’s always throwing us these curveballs. Wait you guys don’t have baseball do you? Use some other sports analogy about getting fucked over.

    Hopefully things work out down the line for you. Why don’t all us bloggers just put our savings together and buy an island with a grocery store? I’m sure we could make it function like a proper society. Then we’ll blog about how much we hate the people we’re around.

    Reply
  4. I was in a love-hate relationship with Seville last year, now I just hate it. I can’t just leave because I’m with someone and that one has a family here and he’s very family oriented and I know how hard would be for him his life behind. Luckily things has changed were I work and now I have trips scheduled every two weeks to other places on this wide world, that’ll keep my mind off Seville and I probably learn to like it again.
    I need hell getting rid of the clutter (I call it trash) that my husband keeps, he’s a horder and I’m the kind of person whose life fits in 2 suitcases.

    Reply
    • Are we going out with the same person? My other half hoards and he snores too like yours.

      Shame you hate Seville, my friend was talking about visiting there this year, we popped to Valencia last year and was thinking of another Spanish city to visit. How are you swinging going away every two weeks?! This is the life I need.

      Reply
  5. That’s a shame you won’t be coming to Canada now. I’m sure there’s something else right around the corner the universe has waiting for you…just keep watch for the moving buses, will you?

    Reply
    • I’ll have to else they will run me down 🙂

      Silly thing is it may well be back on next week, his company aren’t very organised or decisive and expect everyone to follow suit to their changing minds. I had started ebaying some furniture too, luckily nothing I actually needed, just stuff that accumulated.

      At least if it is on again I will be prepped for it and have contacted realtors and pet removal people so I know what I would need to do.

      Reply
      • Good luck, Joe. Hopefully they will get their shit together so you don’t have to go to all the trouble multiple times…

        Reply
  6. That was the best love letter to a city ever… after the love has grown a little ragged and worn…

    Reply
  7. I’m new here to your blog so I haven’t followed all of the excitement about the move, but I can completely relate to having to divest yourself from the current city. When I was set to leave Atlanta I remember thinking suddenly how much I hated the terrible traffic snarls and I couldn’t wait to move to avoid the commute.
    Now that you’ll be sticking around maybe you can come to the city with new eyes so to speak.

    Reply
  8. OK Joe, sensible thinker has shown up. If you want to move to Vancouver, your partner needs to accept the transfer NOW & you can follow him when your visa comes through, your lease is up, you’ve served out your notice at work, sold off your furniture, made arrangements for the cat, etc., etc. Your partner has been commuting back & forth for a while now, so you’re used to absences – this might just be a little more extended. Then you have a plan in place for what you’re going to do, you can come to terms with turning your back on London & your friends. If your heart is set on Vancouver, you can make it happen! We’re here to help support you.

    Reply
    • I think we have missed the boat on this one for now….but the girl going in his place only wants to go for a year so we could line ourselves up for after that, it may still be this year as his company seem very unorganised. I’m ok with it, I have a lot to settle here, and have made the groundwork, selling lots of things I don;t need, the rest of furniture will be stored or freecycled. I do have a few commitments, little things like needed two crowns on my teeth, I’ve paid for the insurance for a year so I don’t want to lose that investment as I need the work doing and have a few debts to clear and I really wanted to save up a bit to go with so I didn’t have to work straight away. Oh, and I’ve already paid for a holiday to Egypt in May which was non-refundable!

      I will continue to do the groundwork, now I know how to get my cat over, I have contacts at some realtors, and job agencies, I know the visa process…so when the chance crops up again I will be ready to proceed.

      Thanks though, all advise is gratefully received! I imagine when I do end up there I’ll be hounding you all for advice 🙂

      Reply
  9. Well! I don’t know if I should say “sorry” or “congratulations”. Sounds like you’re feeling a bit of both. I do say “good for you” for being willing to take such a huge step. You’ll be more ready, willing and able if another opportunity comes up, right?

    Reply
    • That’s how I’m thinking about it, I am all prepped with the visa/flat and job hunting and cat removal things so if it comes up next time I am ready to go. It’ll probably be just in time for 8 months of Vancouver rain right after 8 months of London rain.

      Reply
  10. Not a betrayal of London at all, but a letter to your first love. You have fond memories of each other, and you’ll always have a place in each others hearts, but sometimes, it’s just time to move on…
    The happy drinking and trading of stories when you meet up again though, that will be great!

    Reply
  11. I’ve heard similar stories about people relocating for work—apparently nobody takes those crucial relocation logistics into account. I’m sorry your plans for Vancouver got derailed, Joe. But London will forgive you for talking trash about her. She always does. And who knows, maybe your partner will get an even better opportunity in the near future? But I know what you mean about the prospect of returning to the usual—the move would have guaranteed a change, and staying in London means that making a change requires different choices. Maybe all of the preparations you had done for the Vancouver move can still propel you in a different direction, though. Keep thinking on it, maybe something will occur to you.

    Reply
    • I won;t announce it but it maybe be back on again already! The girl who was taking the job got a better offer elsewhere so they still need him. But I have given up swinging back and forth, I’ll see how it plays out. I am still researching and frankly terrified of only two weeks holiday a year and having to wait 12 months before I can start taking them which seems pretty standard? I get 5 weeks now, this is devastating news. That is why I wanted to go next year so I could save a nest egg and then afford to work part time out there to make up for lousy holidays. They better allow unpaid leave, I don’t mind that, who wants to work 50 weeks a year – Ugh!

      Reply
      • Two weeks is standard, but some places give you more if you’ve been working there for a longer period of time. I worked one job where everyone got four weeks of “sabbatic” leave, which is like vacation except that they actually pay you more than your regular salary for taking it. I miss that…

        Reply
        • They pay you more?! Weird, but great!

          I’ll only be there for 3 years probably not enough time to build up any holiday, I’ll have to negotiate some unpaid leave into any contract.

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  12. I think everyone should move every ten years or so, just to clear out the clutter. We just cleared out my Mom in law’s place and moved her in with us. You would not believe the loads of trash!! I think we filled an entire trash truck!

    As to getting your hopes up and then have them cancelled. I’ve had that happen a number of times with moves and potential moves. So I empathize. Now you have to fall in love with London again, only to hate it in two more months.

    Reply
    • London’s easy to love, I just needed to set my mind straight, I had all been focused on moving just gotta readjust, it’s still on the cards but probably end of the year or next year now, that’s ok, gives me time to save properly and have everything in place.

      I’m not surprised, the stuff we accumalate is amazing, it’s mostly my other half, I rarely have stuff. I’ve made a trip to the tip and have another one to do and another after that, it all gets recycled there. If it’s in a cupboard and never used it’s not worth having.

      Reply
      • If I haven’t used or worn something in a year or two, I toss/donate! My better half is the keeper. Hopefully I won’t be moving too soon! (fingers crossed I don’t lose my home to foreclosure.)

        Reply
  13. Oh Knickers! I think organizing the cat alone to go on a plane and then not moving after all is cause for a lawsuit! But seriously, I’m sorry things didn’t work out this time. Maybe when you’re least expecting it, a different, exciting opportunity will come along. It is a bummer to go back to life as usual though when one has been expecting something new and different and exciting.

    Reply
    • Hahah! Yeah, the cat called em the other day quite annoyed no one picked her up from the plane.

      The Government just announced a housing thing in hte budget which may mean I can actually buy a slice of London, so I am going to pursue that before a move. Having a place makes it easier to move away and have it to come back to. It was getting silly needing about £50,000 to get a mortgage for a pokey flat. But £15k may do after they implement this new thing in January, so I am gonna get onto that.I don’t have £15 grand but it’s within easier reach than £50 grand, and my mum will get the proceeds from my Nan’s house so I may have to start phoning them once a week to see how they are doing 😀

      Reply
      • Oh that’s wonderful!! That would be great. Even if you do have to start phoning Nan once a month. LOL! I guess it’s true what they say: when one door opens another closes. (But if you know where the key is the door doesn’t have to stay closed, right?)

        Reply
  14. I have never been to London but my father tells me it’s absolutely gorgeous.

    Reply
    • it is when it is sunny as it has been for a while now! It is great, a collection of villages basically, stick it on your bucket list!

      Reply

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