Tales of the suburbs – The Twitcher

A new series in which I imagine the lives of my new neighbours


“There they are again Harold, it’s those new people from upstairs.  Look at the way they’ve parked, right in front of our window”

“They keep carrying lots of things upstairs, it’ll be like a jumble sale up there”

“And did you hear that banging, going on all hours of the day, it was giving me one of my migraines Harold”

“I saw them carrying a cat, in one of those carry boxes, that thing better not make its mess near my roses, I say Harold, I’ll be having words with them if their cat messes in my roses”

“They are carrying shopping from Marks and Spencer Harold, will you believe it! Marks and Spencer when Tesco is just down the road.  They won’t get value for money there.   You know I bought that pork from Tesco, £3.00 that was, lovely bit of pork, it was a bit grey in places but I just cut those bits off, there was nothing wrong with it.  Still, £3.00, you remember when we used to get our meat from Mr Dicksons in the high street.  He used to throw in lots of crackling for nothing.  He was a lovely man, I wont believe what they said he did to those children, gossips the lot of them.   Marks and Spencer indeed!”

“I see that woman at number 27 is pregnant again,  always got her legs in the air that one, gentlemen visitors every night, tsk, I don’t know what’s become of people these days.   You remember when we met Harold, there was no funny business until we were married.   Mother didn’t approve, and too right.  Nowadays people are flaunting it everywhere. and they don’t wear hosiery, you can see their bare legs Harold”


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