E for effort and F for fuck you


That’s what it said, right next to a drawing of a penis, etched into the dirt on our back windscreen.

Whilst my partner fretted, my only thought was why they used the term cockheads instead of dickheads which is far more a prevalent term.

This isn’t the first time someone has taken to using our car as their canvas, a couple of years ago after some snow someone had drawn a penis entering a bum, emblazoned with the words “gay bum boys”

I guess we are being harassed.   Should I be taking this seriously?

Many of my friends have been subject to various levels of bullying and harassment in public and at work, for being gay or otherwise and affected them to varying degrees.  I have no experience to draw on, I’ve coasted through life without any trouble, or have I just been oblivious to it?

Is it worrying that someone , probably living in my street, possibly a next door neighbour has such an opinion of the people living nearby.  Or are windscreens just a handy way for airing your views?

My other thought was to correct their grammatical errors and grade their work,  I thought their penis drawing was rather bulbous and if this was a self-portrait I would recommend a visit to their GP.

I can honestly say I have never felt victimized, never once felt unsafe or fearful.

I cannot even begin to comprehend why how I live bothers someone so much to make these kind of statements as I would not give  a passing thought to how someone lives their life.   And besides this isn’t a hick backwater, this is Camden Town where anything goes.

All I feel is pity for someone who must be unhappy in their lives and therefore feels the need to impart their dissatisfaction on others.  This is the essence of bullying is it not?  Insecurities of themselves so by attempting to make someone else feel like a piece of shit somehow gives them a little boost, a little power and control over something which they don’t have over their own lives.

But honestly you are wasting your time, I really don’t care, nothing much upsets me and you’ll never be able to make me feel bad.

But I know I am lucky to feel that way, many more other people are vulnerable and affected by bullying and harassment in often fatal consequences.  I wish I could assure them it doesn’t matter, be confident in yourself, give them two fingers (and spare a thought for their misshapen penis)

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  1. Such a profound post, and my only take-away is, “they call them ‘wind screens’?? How odd!”

    But rock on with your personal strength. I need me some of that.

  2. Le Clown

     /  November 26, 2012

    I’m so very sorry for these act of cruel intimidation. Even a drawing can have a daunting effect on the victim. Thank you for writing this…

    • They don’t bother me, my partner is worried though, I was thinking I was of strong character for ignoring or laughing at it, maybe I am being a bit naive. Still won;t bother me too much though

  3. My dad calls this “passing the shitty stick”. It’s a hick translation to the old “Misery loves company” idea. I firmly believe that the sad and otherwise pathetic feel a NEED to drag other’s down. They need to pass their shitty feelings to someone else, find someone to wallow in the mud beside them. Good for you for knowing better than to take the insults of the insecure to heart.

    • Thanks, I’m glad I can ignore it but from reading other blogs it’s clear how much people can be affected by the way they are treated and the blog can be a release. May be simplistic to say but I hope people can ignore them and be confident in how intelligent, funny, warm and caring they are and see it for what it is.

  4. That last paragraph is excellent advice for anyone, Joe.
    As long as you have a sense of humor about the backward folk, it makes them a lot easier to deal with.

    • I think it is my next door neighbour and his son, he is an old guy who likes to spend all night from 1am til 6am banging on the wall non stop. His window was smsahed one weekend (I was out of town luckily) he put up a sign saying “Reward for information, no police involved” Sounded a bit sinister.

  5. Haha – revenge really is a dish best served cold. My favourite reaction to bullies is therefore to ignore them completely. I am delighted that you haven’t experienced prejudice, either. While none of the very lovely gay men I know have experienced discrimination etc. you do still hear of inconceivable hate crimes that go on. It really beggars belief that people can be that interested in other people’s business.

  6. I have often asked myself the same, I’ve never felt any kind of discrimination of felt treated differently because I am gay, sometimes I wonder if I’m just willingly oblivious to it because a lot of my friends have suffer from one or many forms of bullying. Back in school nobody messed with me, I was not a badass, but somehow I was the bully. I wouldn’t pay attention to something like that but as you said even the silliest thing can affect other people.
    I just can’t understand why being gay is even a issue.

    • I like to think it is self confidence, if we are happy in our skin we won’t let others beat us down, but then it’s not even like I’ve had any situations where people have tried either.

      And with the gay thing, there is even bullying with the gay community which I find odd, I see younger gay guys laughing at the older guys or a transexual, do they not realise without these guys coming out when they did that the young guys woudln’t be able to act like they do – it wouldn’t be so accepted, they did all the hard work.

      Why are some people targetted more than others? At school I guess it was people who were just different who were picked on, I always liked the different ones, much more interesting. I recall one girl was picked on, I liked her after Art class as her painting was of a killer whale floating in mid air whilst giving birth. I thought that was pretty cool, but others just saw her ginger hair and glasses and beat her down all the time.

  7. Some people are idiots…good for you to take their ill-drawn penis as a sign they are replenishing their own gene pool….

  8. This just makes me sad and angry. Maybe you are not in danger, but in America, there have been tragic incidents of violence. If I was walking by and saw these young… scallywags at their artistic hate-mongering work, I would threaten them with bodily harm, even if I didn’t know it was your car. I would not initiate a fight, but I am not above hoping they would take a swing at me so I could defend myself.
    I love you, man.

  9. Sorry your neighbors are such cockheads, Joe. My first thought is that both these things seem like the work of a child, but in a way it’s even sadder that a kid would grow up thinking that way.

    On a lighter note, I’ve never heard the word “cockheads” before — this blog is so educational! I’m going to a family dinner later tonight and can’t wait to show off my new vocabulary word.

    • Let me know how that went down

      We use the work cock a lot but not really cockhead. Knobhead and dickead but not cockhead

      Maybe it is a kid and I am accusing my neighbour, I better stop putting cat shit through his letterbox then

  10. It seems to be natural to harass the new comer, the odd man out, the one that is different. Look at the great apes, and other animals. They will often drive off a sick mate, etc. Apparently some people are still in the animalistic part of their evolution and haven’t reached the 21st Century with the rest of us.

  11. It was me… I did it 😀
    And if you look outside your window, that’s me under the street lamp 😀

  12. Love this post and your outlook. Along a similar vane, I’ve had my car keyed a couple of times because someone doesn’t like my lifestyle as a legal parker in their street. I kept doing it anyway refusing to give into the intimidation.

    • 🙂 Thanks! Everyone needs to relax and get on, something needs to be out in the water/discount wine to chill veryone out.

  13. I am glad you have the confidence & demeanor to protect you from feeling victimized throughout your life. So many people are bullied at one time or another & it doesn’t have to be for something big, it can be a pimple (which is temporary, so why would anyone bother to degrade someone for pimples). Just keep on keeping on!

    • Exactly, and thanks. I was watching a show on kids feeling bad about their appearance and drives them to cosmetic surgery, they juxtaposed it with kids who were in awful accidents so scarred from burning for example, very intersting.

      People need to work on their self confidence and self belief instead.

  14. I like what Tori said,, about ‘passing the shitty stick’. I just will never understand it. I suppose anything that’s even a little bit different is fair game to these type of people. What are they afraid of? What do they get out of bullying? Are they that miserable with themselves that it’s the only way to give them a temporary ego boost? whatever the reason, I’m glad I don’t live my life that way. must suck to be them!

    • Thanks Darla!

      It’s weird to look at people looking for faults and being bothered by things that have no bearing on your own life.

      People are endlessley fascintating so the more facets to them the better, They are thoroughly entertaining and keep me occupied on my train journeys 🙂

  15. In Camden Town?? That’s ridiculous. If it were me I’d definitely be angered by this, but not threatened. Maybe if it were elsewhere in London, or elsewhere in England I’d be more inclined to see it as a real threat. I understand your partner’s concern, though. But I’d really like to think that this is just some idiot with no motive other than being an ass. Not that it makes it acceptable, obviously. I’m sorry, Joe–that’s really not cool.

  16. Fuck ’em Joe

  17. Joe, you sound really easy going and secure. Ah what a refreshing attitude that is in today’s world. I’m with you in that the person who wrote that is extremely unhappy and insecure. But it kind of tickles me that by you just being your natural, easy-going, fun loving self, enjoying your life and going about your business makes that person SO angry makes me just want to say ha ha ha! Nanny Nanny Nanny! But then I’ve always been pretty mature for my age (61). I’ve found that bullies (and they seem to be everywhere you go in some form or other) are huge cowards who are jealous of people who are happy with themselves and the happier you are the more you will torture them . . . bwa hahaha!

    • Maybe too easy going, nothing really riles me. I find it too easy too ignore bigots and idiots, which may be the wrong approach as I guess they need to be stood up to aswell.

      I find it more satisfying to mock them rather than get angered by them. I took great delight in a Chick Fil A post making fun of them

      • Oh I’ll have to check that out. Humor can be a very satisfying weapon. I’ve used it a time or two – very cathartic! 😀


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