London Olympics – New events just added!!!

With anticipation for the London Olympics reaching fever pitch in 0.02% of the population, it is with much excitement that some new events have just been added to the roster for the first time and are open to the general public to participate.

Qualifying rounds will be taking place the weekend of 3/4th March, to participate please contact Sebastian Coe directly at sebcoe@olympicsizedwasteofmoney.co.uk

Herewith are the newly added events:

The Molotov Relay

The traditional baton is replaced by a Molotov cocktail.

A dropped Molotov results in instant disqualification from the race and third degree burns

200m Looting Dash

Participants will ransack an electrical store for a 50inch TV and run 200 metres down the road to their mate’s van.

The 100m dash is now cancelled due to parking restrictions outside the shops.

On your marks...get set...GO!

The Hobo Bridge Toss

This event is made up of two parts inspired by the javelin and platform diving.

Entrants will each have one homeless tramp with the aim of throwing them off of Tower Bridge.

Points are awarded for distance aswell as the hobo’s dive.

It is acceptable to decant spare change from the beggar’s pockets to aid the trajectory of the throw.

Pigeon Golf

Set in Trafalgar Square, golfers will be aiming at the ‘flag’ which will be a group of pigeons attracted by some carefully placed vomit on the ‘greens’ .

A hole in one is achieved if a pigeon is hit on the first attempt.

Par is 3 for each hole, if a pigeon is only maimed after 3 shots then you automatically concede the hole.

FORE!!

Pick Pocket Marathon

A gruelling 26 mile trip around London’s most familiar sights.

The pick pocket marathon will take place concurrently with the original Marathon, with the pick pocketers travelling along the route and lifting as many objects from spectators as they can.

After 26 miles the booty is totaled up and the winner revealed.

Anti-Capitalism Throw

Athletes are tested on their ability to throw a concrete block through a McDonald’s window.

Success is achieved over three rounds:

At a distance of 10 metres with a bank of newspaper photographers causing a distraction with multiple flashes
At a distance of 20 metres with a row of armoured police in between the athlete and the target
At a distance of 40 metres whilst being ‘kettled’ by the police with other participants and passers-by