Have you recovered from that bombshell?

It’s true, I’ve misled you for too long, I really am not a giggly stinkingly wealthy Jewish TV cook from The Hamptons.    I’m really just a 38-year-old, London suburbia dwelling office manager.

Can you spot the difference:

The real Ina Garten passing the time fondling tomatoes.

NOT Ina Garten

So I apologies to the people who thought I was Ina Garten when they wrote in to me.   I actually do explain to each person I’m not Ina Garten and even try to help with their cooking dilemma and only today I advised someone who is allergic to olive oil what they can use as a substitute.  But for this post’s purpose I am just being sarcastic.

This is a selection of the mail I receive from people thinking I am Ina Garten:

“hey ina I live in England and just started watching ur back to basics programme its awesome ty u so remind me of a lady I stay with wen over visiting in the states seeing u made me so home sick for the states if ever im in ur neck of the woods e.g. ur area id love to pop in for a chat over one of ur delisious soups tc ina keep up the good work u and Jeffery are wonderful people”

Hi, Do you just  pop in to see The Queen over there in the UK?  No?  Well I am like her but a wealthier American version, so what do you think?   Buy my book

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“Hi Ina,
I can cook practically anything. But the one thing I have trouble making is homemade macaroni and cheese. Can you tell me the secret to preparing a great Mac n Cheese dinner. Thank you, Lori”

So you can cook salmon poached in a liquorice gel with artichokes, vanilla mayonnaise and golden trout roe but you struggle at Mac and Cheese?

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“I always see Ina dumping fresh berries straight from the plastic carton into recipes..don’t you have to rinse them first?”

My sweet, this is all done prior at the factory where people on minimum wage do this all day.   Don’t forget, buy my book

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“HI INA,
I just adore your shoe. I think that you and Jeffrey made a great couple.
I know that this might be insignificant, but couds you please tell me the name of that background music…. When I have company over I think that the music would get a great ambiance for our little get togethers….It is soothing yet has a little move your hips to the beat effect.. Please help… You and Jeffrey Stay Cute.”

You adore my shoe? You never see my shoes on the show, I’m actually standing on a stool when cooking as I am 4ft 2.   And that music is trademarked, use it at your peril, I’m extremely powerful.

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Dear Ina, I’m Gloria and I am the inventor of the Lid Bin. Home Invention’s has it on their website promoting it to the manufacturing companies. It’s a great idea and I can’t believe no one has thought of it. It holds your lid while cooking on the stove top and not make a mess!
How cool is that? I watch every show on the Food Network and every cook/chef puts their lid on the counter or stove. NO!! Its a mess. I have a CD prototype I want to mail to you, it won’t go through email. I would love for you to see it or you may go to Home Invention web sight. Log on with user name and password the same. GFishe18975.
P.S Or any suggestions?

Hi, Your “How cool is that” phrase is very similar to my “How Easy Is That™ phrase.   Watch where you step here..

Why won’t a CD go through the mail?  I have a very large slot in my (mail)box, it accepts many different sized packages.

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“Hello ina im really having a hard time making spaghetti and meatballs my meatballs comes out not so good how long can i keep my meatballs in the pot thanx.”

You can find out in my book

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“Hi ina,me my mum and my sister love your show! We are making a cake and we want to know how do you get the cake to rise perfectly? Thank”

This is a common problem for people who aren’t me.

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“I am familiar with the dishtowels you use on your show, but I can no longer find them anywhere. What’s the brand name – maybe I can find them on line.”

Honey, how the hell would I know, Can you imagine me standing in line at Wal-Mart.  I have people who buy these for me.

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“Ian hi just love your programme but not how much salt you use can you not cut it down its a killer xxx

  Ian?  I haven;t had a sex change!.  I am very wealthy so have access to the finest medical treatment and have my arteries unclogged weekly.   It’s fabulous to be me.   Did you order my book yet?