I learnt a new phrase, courtesy of someone posting an objection to my masquerading as Ina Garten on a previous post. They also called me an asshole and a joker, but an Anal Discontent seemed a more apt fit.
It seemed fitting for a post title as I approach five years of blogging, though my output has been practically non-existent for a year, something my stat views back up. Take a look, I peaked in 2012 and have been in decline since then. I feel like the Conservative Government, so inline with impending elections I will canvas to win back some departed followers with much more anal discontenting, the like which hasn’t been seen since 2012.
Thank you to the random commenter for alerting me to my lack of content, it recalled the days when I would post three times a week something more idiotic than the last, reminding me why I did this to begin with, to spew out useless crap to clog up the internet – well, everyone else is doing it so why not?
It had been an awkward post as people searching for Ask Ina to find out how she makes her meringues, unwittingly stumbled across this site. Still none the wiser of reading such a ludicrous post they proceeded to ask cookery questions which I aimed to assist with but always told them this wasn’t actually Ina. A few people have taken offence to it over the years and occasionally do get a little diatribe pop up in my comments. Maybe Ina has god like status over there? I just assumed she was a chubbier Delia Smith.
londonsurvival 
aFrankAngle
/ February 25, 2015Congrats on the declining views, and your pride shines through. Maybe … just maybe …. Ask Ina Wannabe should be a weekly post.
joehoover
/ February 25, 2015I’m sure one of her fan(atics) will end up alerting her highness to my blog and I’ll have a lawsuit on my hands 😀 But it may also be my way in to her clique, I’d be great at popping round her manor for impromptu cocktails
aFrankAngle
/ February 25, 2015That’s why you change your name to Hima
Linda Vernon
/ February 25, 2015HA! What is it with people who have absolutely no sense of humor? How does that happen? It’s like a birth defect or something. How weird it would be (and sad) to go through life taking everything seriously. I had a lady who got mad about my Slightly Creepy Seventies posts because while she was accomplishing things in the seventies, I was clearly just sitting around making lists of all the things that sucked. Which I kind of was. She had come to my blog for cooking advice too! (Beware of people who follow recipes.) She said I needed to get off my butt and do something constructive!
joehoover
/ February 26, 2015If she accomplished things in the seventies then she wasn’t living them right!
Cookery advice, was it something in aspic that grabbed her attention, all 70’s food was set in aspic wasn’t it?
I love that they crown themselves as some kind of internet life coach. God forbid we can do many constructive things aswell as lark about on a blog. That’s multi-tasking, constructive enough for ya! 😀
Beefcat
/ February 25, 2015Although I have plenty of questions I’d like to ask Ina (where do I find “really good” butter, vanilla, etc.), there may be folks who would like to ask you things, Joe. A public service. I once sat down in a coffee shop and put a little card on my table that said “Free Advice”.Like Lucy in the Charlie Brown comics. And do you know what? People wanted advice. And no one asked me to leave.
I absolutely cannot stand Rachael Ray. I’m a mod of a site devoted to snarking on her and a few other FN celebs (and other things). That may make me anally discontented. Who cares? They all seem to love Ina though. Go figure. I used to watch her show though, and she provided plenty of comic relief. Breaking into her gay friends’ homes and leaving dinner, cramming herself into a tent with Jeffrey. Good stuff.
joehoover
/ February 26, 2015You mean they never listened to the first piece of advice your mother teaches you, to never talk to strangers. There is no hope for them 🙂 Seriously though, that’s fascinating, now I just wanna hear what they asked you, and your replies, that would make a good blog thread.
There’s a site devoted to FN mockery? What is it? It will be my new obsession! I just mock with a friend on Facebook I am over the moon to know there is a whole community belittling Guy Fieri.
Yes! Rachel is terrible, I heard she has a chat show now? I imagine her guests don;t get a word in edgeways.
Maybe it’s like when I went to Australia, they worshipped Oprah Winfrey, she visited at the time and people were crying over her as if she was the Messiah. What does that make Ina?
Top of my bucket list is to be accepted into Ina’s circle of gays, I’m not that fabulous though so I would have to wing it to pass her auditions. She does have one branch of her gay brigade in London, I remember when she visited that time in the imaginatively titled “Barefoot in London”, she put Jeffrey on a bus on his own while she went off to meet people. This guy was showing off his table setting skills. So I’m guessing I need a ‘thing’ What doesn’t she have in her circle already? Everyone brings something to the table, be it floristry, being able to place candles in an attractive way…except TR, he’s top gay, he doesn’t have to do anything. How do you get to eat off the top table? This is all getting a bit Game of Thrones, plotting to do away with TR so I can take my rightful place at Ina’s side.
Oishii
/ February 26, 2015She’s awful. Yelling over guests, waving her arms around frenetically.
http://www.rachaelrayshow.com/
joehoover
/ February 27, 2015Priceless! You can “get her look” it tells you where you can get her plaid shirt and pants. No use to me in the UK though. I’ll have to watch the clips of the show online
Oishii
/ February 27, 2015Her look! They used to call it What’s Rach Wearing until she gained a bunch of weight and they stopped showing her bottom half. Sometimes they only show her from the shoulders up, so who can tell what she’s wearing? Even on the show she’s usually hiding behind a counter or sitting at a table.
joehoover
/ March 6, 2015I am so disappointed about what I am missing
Oishii
/ March 7, 2015Let’s see. What are you missing? The sight of her stuffed into the same pair of too tight jeans every day while she tries to get her hand crammed into one pocket and then get it out again. The other hand holding a coffee mug from which she slurps loudly in an attempt to wash the phlegm down from throat clearing. Her constant interruptions of her guests because the attention must be on her. Repetition of the same stories. “I burn the bread, I can’t make coffee, my mom likes this, my mom likes that. Boring, stupid games. “Figure friendly” food (not). And her husband, who mixes cocktails and doesn’t appear to do much else. If you google John Cusimano, it makes for a good read. How she’s been on for 9 years is beyond me.
Is Food Network UK still running her cooking shows?
joehoover
/ March 11, 2015This is brilliant, you sound traumatised by her! Nah, they stopped showing her, now they just play Jamie Oliver. He’s just a berk, lacking the pizazz of the US cooks
Oishii
/ March 11, 2015I used to watch quite a bit of FN. Now it’s all cooking competitions and that overgrown frat boy Guy Fieri. I even used to watch Rachael Ray until she decided to attempt world domination.
Keep on blogging, Joe.
susielindau
/ February 25, 2015In 2012, WordPress counted every sneeze as a view. Likes, comments, etc. Now they are more legit albeit more depressing. Ah for the good old days…
joehoover
/ February 26, 2015You mean I wasn’t even successful for real then!? 😀 Might have known
susielindau
/ February 26, 2015I think they should change it so when a person likes from the reader, they click to your blog. 🙂
El Guapo
/ February 26, 2015Well, to be fair, who really wants to read about the anally content?
I mean, that’s just rubbing our own insufficiencies in our face…or something…
joehoover
/ February 26, 2015There’s a lot of imagery that sentence conjures up, fully intended I’m sure!
pouringmyartout
/ February 26, 2015wait… Ina is a real person too???
joehoover
/ February 27, 2015That’s debatable
pouringmyartout
/ February 27, 2015I should hope so
mshahid082
/ March 10, 2015The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.
Read more at …..
https://beautyindustryfacts.wordpress.com/
joehoover
/ March 11, 2015I couldn’t agree more
mshahid082
/ March 12, 2015Why…..?
joehoover
/ March 13, 2015Because not just a woman but all people we shoudl look at beyond the exterior, that’s just normal to me
mshahid082
/ March 13, 2015may be you are right
thehobbler
/ April 17, 2015Joseph SU Hoover, god I miss you. It’s my fault really. I haven’t been doing an adequate job of stalking you lately. Anyway, tell me every detail of your life when you get a chance.
joehoover
/ April 19, 2015I’m in Thailand at the moment! That’s news
thehobbler
/ April 19, 2015Eat some pineapple for me!
joehoover
/ May 8, 2015I had a pineapple shake, it was lovely
Oishii
/ April 19, 2015Will you give us a trip report? I love those!