Online Shopping the N.R.A. way

Now, it’s never been easier to show the world your maniacal gun obsessed nature than by shopping exclusively at the NRA online store.

Witness the cornucopia of tasteful goods for sale at this virtual bazaar.

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Never before have the words fleece and stylish been used in the same sentence.

The design houses of Paris and Milan can be heard quaking in their Diamante studded strappy heels with the emergence of the world’s first ever stylish fleece.

“A staple of a shooters wardrobe”!   Set this creation off by teaming it with a Christian Dior cocktail dress, Jimmy Choo pumps, a Fendi clutch bag and an AK-47

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The NRA American Vigilance Knife is ideal when you are vigilantly eyeing everyone up as a potential enemy.

The classic patriots warning, or none to subtle threat “Don’t Tread On Me”  is intricately embossed on the blade.  You can’t see it from a distance but you can be sure that motherfucker is gonna see it up close before it’s plunged into his chest.

Each knife is individually numbered for collectability, and traceability when the Police come calling.   Free alibi included with every purchase.

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Have you ever fumbled for your glasses by your bed in the morning, or even for your mobile phone?  Whilst this is a common problem that will continue to stump you, at least you can take heart from having your gun within easy reach.  No more scraping around the floor in low-light bleary-eyed looking for your gun, now it will always be just where you need it.

We conducted a survey of 100 people who tried Holster Mate (Registered Trademark), 95 of those 100 people found having Holster Mate and their gun so accessible eliminated all arguments they previously had over who would get up to feed the cat in the morning.

Untitled7Be the Belle of the Rodeo with this en-vogue concealed carry denim jacket.   Hidden pockets imaginatively conceal your pistol, pepper spray and a couple of bazookas.

This item comes fully endorsed by pop sensation Tiffany:

Tiffany - I Think Were Alone Now - Single cover

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15 Comments

  1. And here I was thinking you’d list Cabela’s hunting rifle for kids (As young as 11!) among the available goodies.

    Reply
    • I thought I’d steer clear of the kids section of their site! They had Baby Bibs with the picture being the NRA letters on baby building blocks! That is fucked up! What’s wrong with a picture of a teddy bear?

      Reply
  2. At least the NRA logo is clear to see, that way we’ll know who the crazies are.

    Reply
  3. You should send this on to Tiffany – she just recently appeared on “What Not to Wear”, so obviously she needs some styling tips! Maybe these could help.

    Reply
  4. What bothers me most is the fact that Tiffany’s album is available in “extended version”. Of course you’re alone now! Look at what you’re wearing!

    Reply
  5. I was wondering how I could discretely carry my pepper spray and semi automatic weapon as I go about my business in old Londinium. I think the ladies jacket would be a great idea if it was lined with Kevlar, you know, for extra protection. But it isn’t. Epic fail.

    Reply
    • I’d expect a more Saville Row type of styling for the London market. I don’t think Rodeo wife chic has caught on here, well, maybe the Shoreditch hipsters do it.

      They need to make a version in tweed, and adapt an umbrella or cane to accommodate a rifle

      Reply
  6. I like that NRA American Vigilance Folding Knife. I might get me one of those. But I’m still waiting for them to redesign the trigger on the Ladies’ Smith & Wesson so that we don’t break a nail when we fire. It’s SO inconvenient.

    Reply
    • Haha! The dilemmas of the gun toting public. Maybe they could put a lipstick dispenser on the gun somewhere too.

      Reply

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