Dental Intrusions and Dream Invasions – My Week Condensed

I realised it’s now an annual tradition of mine to spend thousands on dental work prior to every Christmas.   I remembered this post I wrote on the last bout of work.

Only 8 people liked that post, I’m blaming Michael Buble for making my stats drop.

This costly work is why everyone will be receiving a gift of a framed x-ray of my teeth this year to see where the money for their gifts was donated to.

I’m currently sporting a split lip from having 5 instruments shoved into my mouth for 5 hours and a bout of lockjaw.  Not bad for £1440, name me another industry that offers such good value for money.

You’d think I’d be sporting a Hollywood smile after so much treatment for years but truth be told it is all restorative work to make up for years not going to the dentist.

Then the dentist scolds you for not going for so long, and there was I thinking they would appreciate a big bonus right before Christmas, but then for me it’s a holiday for giving so have purposefully held off going to the dentist for years so their kids won’t go without.


Having never been able to recollect my dreams it has been quite the revelation to have not only remembered some vague happenings in them lately but also in that fellow bloggers have been making an appearance.  Don’t be alarmed, at least I don’t think you should be, I don’t recall anything untoward happening.

Firstly Le Clown appeared in one dream I met him in a Hawaiin themed bar, I don’t think it was Hawaii, it was just a terrible pastiche.   I scolded him for smoking in the bar which was a bit rich considering I smoke, I guess I become an authoritarian asshole in my dreams.  We then went outside into the garden and I don’t remember the rest.

Next up was Arthur from Pouring my Art Out, it was the 70’s version of him though, and I had displaced him from the West to the East Coast, and to New York City.  I was there and getting into a bit of strife as there was this really freaky beggar with the longest single dread as wide as he was going down to his arse and he was gunning for me.  Luckily Arthur came to the rescue and drove really fast through buildings to the countryside, driving straight through buildings without any damage, they just disintegrated on impact.  Just aswell, otherwise that would have been a costly car repair – though I’ve no idea what they charge to fix cars in dreams, I dread to think.

Finally, Madame Weebles made an appearance last night right after her challenge, this was a crafty way to throw me off the scent as I already had it figured out which photo is of her and she appeared in my dream as someone from one of the other photos, she was floating too, probably just a David Copperfield like illusion to further throw me off track.

It’s very nice of you all to drop by though (even if you do turn up un-announced and empty-handed)

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  1. Uh oh. I haven’t been to the dentist in a little. Do you think the extra white-out I’ve been painting my teeth will helped any?

    I’ve dreamt about bloggers so many times. Once we were all on a lobster boat, drinking martinis when a giant shark took a big bite out of the boat. I took this as a sign I needed to take a blogging break.

    • That sounds like a great day out before the shark got involved.

      Bite the bullett and go to the dentist (whilst you can still bite bullets withotu your teeth crumbling) I’ve endured enough pain with them over the years enough was enough when part of one crumbled eating a piece of chocolate.

  2. Annnnd I just had a mild panic attack realizing I’ve been putting off the dentist visits for a long, long time. I guess I thought flossing once in a while made up for it 🙂

    • My hygeinist said I’d been flossing badly for years. Also suggested I bring my toothbrush in enxt time so she can show me how to do that properly too. I blame my parents

  3. Crazy dreams you have.
    I think I’m the only person who the dentist asks not to go there too often, I blame it on my mother, she would take me to the dentist a lot when I was a kid, I had a trauma back then, I would cry every time she mention dentist. Now I find myself doing what she did, after my dentist told me he would not see me every 3 months, I got an appointment with a different dentist, he sent me home without cleaning my teeth.

    • And they charge so much for that. I think they need to provide more entertainment for the money we pay, a handful of outdated magazines doesn’t cut it. for a start they could put in a cocktail bar to help calm the nerves beforehand.

  4. The butcher I visit has his wall adorned with photos of him and his labradors in various poses. All the dogs have brilliant gnashers.

  5. If I ever appear in one of your dreams, I’ll be sure to be carrying beer and bacon…and maybe some chocolate coffee cake.

    • I eagerly await bedtime now, I’ve yet to be drunk in my dreams, it’s gotta be even more fun than in reality

      • Of course! Flying in midair in nothing but your underwear has the dreamworld beating reality hands down!

  6. Well, I showed up empty handed, but I get to leave with fun stories!

  7. Sorry, I did bring wine, but I drank it all before I arrived. I meant well. Are you autographing those copies of your dental x-rays? Because I think that’s a really nice and thoughtful gift, you should sign them because I’m sure they’ll be valuable one day.

    • Fair enough, I woudl have done the same.

      Saying that I only have the before pictures, you don’t get them photographed afterwards. I have some lovely shots of my old impacted wisdom teeth slowly crushing my others.

  8. I am tickled that you dreamt about me. Honestly, if you had met the 70’s me, you would not be able to keep your hands off him… uh… me… if you see what I mean. And speaking of the 70’s, don’t forget to pop over to ‘you know where’ now and then… new stuff.

  9. Why is it we are all so afraid of dentists? It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a dentist also. I’ll pass on my copy of your x-rays, please just donate them to your favorite charity. That’s what I usually ask my out of town friends & family to do rather than send gifts.

    • That’s a thoughtful gesture, though I just thought about doing an Andy Warhol style collage of them, and I really might do too.

      I am urging everyone to go to the dentist now, why should I be the only sufferer 🙂


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