Ask Ina

It’s time for Ask Ina, who’s first:

I’m Roxanne from Alabama.   I want to plan a cocktail party  but I don’t know where to begin, can you help?

Hi Roxanne, this is a good question.

Firstly you will need to assemble some gays, you’ll struggle to find them in Alabama, so here’s what I do.   Sell your house and move to a cosmopolitan city, San Francisco, LA, New York for example.   You’ll then need to practise fag haggery.  You need to open a boutique, or an artisan food store which will attract homosexuals, it’ll then be easy to befriend them, call them up constantly, go shopping with them and offer them relationship advice, it’s really simple.  Pretty soon you’ll have enough homosexuals to throw a fabulous party.  It should be a lot of fun.

Hi Ina, My name’s Max, I just love your show, I am always confused over which salt to use in a recipe, what’s the best type?

Hi Max,

The best type is Fleur de Sal and the best place to find it is in France.   You need to go online and book a long weekend in Paris, there are stores all across Paris and you’ll find Fleur de Sal there.  They speak a language you won’t understand so I find it helps to point and shout loudly at the item I want.   Don’t book economy,  if you book a First Class ticket you’ll have a greater baggage allowance to bring back more ingredients.  I hope that helps.

Hi Ina, I’m Jayne from Ohio.

There are so many different balsamic vinegars at the store, how do I pick the best one?

Hi Jane,

It’s really important to use a good balsamic vinegar, an aged one will have real depth of flavour.  Here’s what I do, I buy 6 different bottles and the best one is the one I stick with.  It’s no different to how you would shop for a car, I buy 6  Bentley’s and the most comfortable is the one I drive most often.

Hi Ina, I have all your books and I notice when a recipe uses wine you always say you should use a wine you would drink, I buy my wine from Wal-Mart in 5 litre bottles, I drink this for breakfast, lunch and dinner, is this ok to use?

Hi, I would say not, unless your wine is a vintage and costs at least $200 dollars then I wouldn’t use it to clean my toilet!   If you haven’t got the right wine I’d recommend marrying someone wealthy and then you can get some, they may even already own a vineyard so you actually save money.  I hope that helps.

Do you have a kitchen conundrum to Ask Ina?  Leave it in the comments and Ina will respond in the next episode.

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41 Comments

  1. Tip Top Tips Ina

    • Do you know her? I am doing my best to spread/sully her name in the UK.

      I wonder who the UK equivalent is. I am sure Delia has Ina’s cash but she’s not as showy with it. Nigella has lots of young friends but I suspect they are hired for the show, I believe Ina’s friends are genuine.

      Still, we have Rusty Lee which is something to boast about.

      • Rusty Lee! – Man About The House is back on ITV3 -this gave us Robin’s Nest and the start of TV chefery as we know it today Joe.

  2. Bring back the Galloping Gourmet! I like a chef that keeps drinking the cooking sherry!

  3. Dear Ina

    I like sprinkle sarsons vinegar on my potatoe chips & cut mix them up with bits of cheese… I eat this with chocolate, pref’ cadburys…I like to wash it all down with a vintage wine & then smoke a light cigarrette, pref’ Marlboro… Do you have any similar recipes or and slight alternative’s?

  4. Oh, lawd, you crack me up, even with the insultingly stereotypical American fatheads you used… who I guess really are all Americans, so never mind.

  5. Dear Ina,
    Just reading your recipes exhausts me. Last time I watched your show I shot out my TV screen in a fit of pique, and my shirt collars refuse to stand up no matter how much spray starch I use. Is there no hope for me?

  6. Dear Ina,

    Can you be a little more specific about what kind of wine I should use to clean my toilet? I used a couple $200 bottles of Shiraz, and now my toilet is bright pink.

  7. Just wondering where you got my pictures to post here?

  8. Dear Ina,
    I live on an Island in Canada. We get a lot of snow in the winter. Got any recipes that I can use after I have been locked up in my house for days with nothing to eat but snow and the icicles dropping from the roof?
    Thanks,
    KJ
    Ps I love red wine and was thinking wine snowcones, but that’s hardly a recipe for a meal..

  9. Le Clown

     /  October 31, 2012

    Joe,
    This was quite informative-unless it was supposed to be funny? Would you mind if I jump on Jane’s question about balsamic vinegar? I’d like to know: do you need to keep balsamic vinegar at room temperature, or keep refrigerated?
    Le Clown

  10. I would just like to comment that I had never actually heard Ina’s name spoken aloud — had only read it in print — and I always assumed it was pronounced “Eena.” I was shocked to learn that it’s short for Vagina.

    As for a question:

    Dear Vagina,
    I tend to handle a lot of extremely spicy chillis. This often leads to some complaints in the bedroom when I then attempt to handle something else. Any advice on how to best cleanse my hands of capscaisin after chopping?

  11. Oh Ina, she is the people’s princess for sure.

    • I hope she would be first in line if America appoints a royal family. Her husband Jeffrey is more the court jester though

  12. Anonymous

     /  November 2, 2012

    Hi Ina i am Galilea Villagomez I am 11 years old and I love your show! I love to cook my dad is a great cook so l learned from him. Thish would be my wish that I could be on your show! I know you are proably thinking I to young but I am a good cook! So thanks for listening i hope you will respond good bye.

  13. Or the callers could all get together on their own, and have a “We Hate Ina!” party…

  14. This actually had me laugh out loud a few times. Well done sir.

  15. I don’t know who she is. I am new here. But I mean come on, who doesn’t use Franzia in the box to clean their toilet? Regurgitated works best.

    • You mean you don’t watch Food Network for half your TV viewing hours? I’m beginning to think it’s just me….

      It’s easy to summarise her: Filthy rich, collects gay men like we would fridge magnets and thinks everything is fabulous. She may change her tune if she ever read this, but it’s all in homage.

  16. Anonymous

     /  March 19, 2013

    Hi ina I made muffins and I would like to know the best way to store them. Gemma UK

  17. Marty

     /  January 14, 2014

    I have a problem with extra virgin olive oils. Some of them taste bitter to me. which are the best.

    • Sorry, this isn’t actually Ina but a homage/parody to her. But I do know a bit about olive oils. Ina would tell you to buy about 10 bottles and try them all but minions like us can’t afford that! Just check what you are doing with the extra virgin oil, you should never cook with extra virgin, it has a low smoking temperature so it will burn easily. It is really only for salad dressings or a as bread dip. But it is a case of trial and error. I wouldn;t even use normal olive oil for cooking unless roasting something like mediterranean vegetables that don’t take long. For sauteeing, I always use a odorless oil, something olive oil isn’t, rapeseed oil, groundnut oil or vegetable oil are best for sauteeing

  18. Anonymous

     /  January 31, 2014

    Hi Ina, my name is Diane from Glendora ca. And I have an on-going cookie problem. I use new flour,eggs and baking soda but I end up with pancakes. I originally thought it was my oven,but that’s be replaced and behold another batch of “pancakes” what could it be? Please help. Thank you

  19. Ina i really love your show and was wondering if this is really how to ask you questions,or if this for fans?

    • This is just a parody blog from a writer in London. Just showing my own love of her show through some humour!

  20. Anonymous

     /  October 21, 2014

    Haha FABULOUS! How have I only just come across this? I thought it was just me who thought these things of dear Ina! Enjoyed reading through all the Ina posts, thanks for brightening up my evening!

    • Glad you got it, I just had one commenter saying how much I am wasting my time. They were right of course! But you gotta let off some steam.

      I do love Ina though, so is all in homage to her.

  1. An apology to Ina Garten and her followers | londonsurvival
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