Nigel Slater’s unappetising suppers

I’ve long paid tribute to my favourite Food Network chefs on this blog, so I thought it was about time I featured some British chefs.  What our chefs lack in the mental illness of their American counterparts they make up for in other ways.

Today I am focusing on Nigel Slater, he’s probably made millions from his books, having been in the public eye for over a decade, yet I have never made the connection between what he dishes up and actual food.

His latest show encourages us to stretch our food shop well to avoid waste and be creative with the ingredients in our fridge.

Let’s take a look at his recipes.

First up is what I found under the section comfort food.  Comfort food conjures up something hearty,warming and filling, something traditional that brings back memories of childhood.

Let’s see what Nigel considers comforting:

Oh…erm….riiighhhht.

This plate of food is the first thing that comes to mind when I want something comforting.  I’m even in discomfort as I cannot work out what anything on the plate is.

What’s up next…hands up who can work out what this is:

For those who said it’s afterbirth in a bun, surprisingly you’d be wrong.   This is apparently a fruit bap.  May I suggest if he has no actual sandwich fillings like ham, cheese or tuna left in his fridge that he just goes to the shops and buys something to save having to eat a rancid fruit sandwich.

Hmmm….I’m feeling peckish, what I really fancy is some burnt aubergine and cucumber with mouse droppings

Next up I can see how he is being economical with this waste disposal stir fry.

This isn’t a fungal infection magnified, it’s Nigel’s carrot fritter.   Somehow a fungal infection sounds more appealing:

Can I take your order?  Yes, I’d like a bowl of slime please.

Are you hungry yet?

If by some miracle you are then you will soon be put off by his smug face.

He’s mocking you.

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31 Comments

  1. I think Giada had a hand in these…war crimes.

    Reply
  2. I’m glad I already ate.

    Reply
    • My brother in law just returned from Shanghai, I don’t think he had any idea what he was eating there either. That’s understandable. I don’t get how Nigel can turn ingredients into something that looks like my cat threw up.

      Reply
  3. While the above dishes are clearly not even close to being labeled “comfort foods,” I don’t think Nigel is 100% to blame here. Taking at least 50% of the blame should be the food photographer who should be fired post haste. It is there job to take such artful pictures of garbage disposal waste and make it look like a traditional Thanksgiving (if you had that in England) dinner. Total photo fail here.

    Though, while I’m talking about Thanksgiving, I will say that I initially thought those fruit buns were Thanksgiving Leftover Sandwiches teeming with cranberry sauce and gravy. That, my friend, I would call comfort food!

    Reply
    • True, the photography is woeful.

      We just have your thanksgiving food for our christmas dinner. So if we have turkey at Xmas, what do you have?

      Reply
  4. We have turkey then as well. We just try and ignore the fact that it’s the same meal we had a month prior. The festive holiday decorations help to give it a different feel.

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    • I hope you have a change for Easter!

      Reply
      • Actually… no.

        Well, maybe that’s just my family. We’re big turkey eaters. Though many families will do a ham for Christmas and/or Easter.

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        • I’m usually away for Christmas in warmer climes. In Thailand I had curry, year before in Australia, kangaroo, which was delicious. Stuck in London this year, will probably have a steak. Turkey too much hassle for two people. I usually cook a big turkey meal a week before Xmas when I see the family. I save Xmas for me.

          Reply
          • Part of me wishes I could do that, but then I remember just how much fun I have with my family. It’s hectic… but it’s fun. I keep trying to get Hank to join me, but he’s more in synch with your line of thinking.

            Reply
            • Trouble is British houes are tiny and we are all cramped in and everything is closed for Xmas but by doing it the week before everything is open so we can go to the pub, ice skating or bowling.otherwise everyone just watches TV and ignores each other 🙂

              Reply
  5. He needs a slap Joe – probably with a seared aubergine – but a slap nevertheless

    Reply
  6. Perhaps all his sales are from people looking for Halloween recipes?

    Reply
    • There has to be some explanation.

      The man is so pompous aswell, give me the down to earth stylings of Paula Deen anyday

      Reply
  7. I think I have seen this guy on TV somewhere (maybe Canadian BBC?), but I was not impressed with his fare. I think it was a holiday show because the family was doing some decorating as well.

    Reply
  8. Afterbirth in a bun! Delish! I am glad I’ve never heard of this guy. Makes me think Paula Deen’s not half bad…

    Reply
    • This guy just picks everything out of his garden and serves it up, so inevitably it is unappetising since he hasn’t a pig roaming about his back garden to eat instead.

      Reply
  9. Now you have ruined food porn for me…

    Reply
  10. It’s almost like it’s performance art. He’s trying to see how horrible he can make things that people will still swallow. I’d like to bop him over the head with his own fruit sandwich!

    Reply
  11. It’s funny, the more offensive-looking the meal is that the chef on Food Network is preparing, the more likely it is that I’ll watch the program. I used to watch the original Iron Chef religiously, only to end up feeling nauseous after watching the judges rave over dishes like fried eel ice cream.

    Reply
    • Is that the show where they don’t actually eat it but a panel of guest have to? It’s more like those Japanese endurance shows. They should eat it in their undewear whilst sitting in a vat of rats.

      Reply
  12. Anonymous

     /  June 28, 2013

    Please tell Nigel that we love him and his creations. Over here in the southern US, glop-in-a-pot is a group that appears at the very bottom of the food pyramid – right next to pork fat!

    Reply
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