Londonsurvival aged 13 and three quarters (3rd and final part)

And so it comes to the final instalment of my puberty guide written as I was going through the whole sorry experience.

“Cringe city”  I am cringing at the use of this term.   And then you get to “cheezers”.   I’m so sorry, it was the eighties.

People shouldn’t smack their kids but if I went back in time I’d give myself one hell of a thrashing.

Julia Roberts?  She must have been who the other boys in school were talking about and my attempt to fit in.  I probably preferred Corey Haim or someone along those lines.

No, it still doesn’t look like a tractor.   How did I even have friends at school?

Thank god it’s almost over and I’ve given up trying to write.  Really not funny.  Unless I count laughing at how bad it reads back.

Still, I’m glad I make a reference to my class mate’s penis project where she was rewarded for her drawings of ‘mushroom cock’ and ‘grandad’s penis’.

I’m never putting up old school work again, that was a throughly degrading experience and I didn’t enjoying looking back through my teenage eyes.

That means it’s now your turn to humiliate yourself?  Any takers?

Anyone who does can have a role in my sitcom Home(less) Where The Heart Is.   There are still roles of a road sweeper, a glue sniffer and a couple of prostitutes up for grabs.

Leave a comment


  1. Ahh, the glories of youth…and pencils to depict every last iota of crap that one endures in order to ‘grow up’… I’m not sure what to say about this but, thank God for the End….

  2. When I was in high school, I wrote an anonymous column for my school newspaper. I forget what they were about specifically, but they were always elaborate lies involving Matt Damon.

  3. Truly, a cautionary tale.

  4. Percy Pubic. That’s all I have to say.

  5. Still looking for my first published short story.

  6. Dude… you may be the only person on this planet with less filters than me…

  7. Happy Days Joe – my first wet dream was when I was staying with my Brother and his girlfriend up north – jesus – how do you “explain the stain”.

  8. Absolutely filthy. I couldn’t possibly comment on this.


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