Londonsurvival aged 13 and three quarters (Part 1)

I promised I would put up some school work I did some 23 odd years ago.   I can’t recall the exact brief but I wrote a guide to puberty, check out the teachers note from the back page:

And I will remind you again that a girl who drew pictures of different types of penis and painted tippex spurting out of them as cum for her assignment got a B grade.  I guess my teacher really enjoyed that slice of soft porn, I forget the teacher’s name, E L Jones, EL Janes or something).   So if 10 drawings of different penises gets a B, what did I get from my educational advice guide:


I guess values have changed since then as my school is currently one of the most notorious in Europe since a Maths teacher hot footed it over to France with his 15 year old pupil the other week.

For my sins I not only grew up in Eastbourne, but also spent my teenage years at this godforsaken school – you wouldn’t believe the things I had to do to achieve my grades 😉

All joking aside, I was top of my class through my own hard work, which wasn’t that amazing when you consider the other class was full of pregnant teens or ones who already had a kid.

Where was I?  Oh yes, I’m currently scanning the booklet for posting the rest of this week, it may be too much to trawl through in one post, and it’s always nice to string something out as long as you can.

I was most interested in if I can detect myself in the crude writings, and it’s sad safe to say I can.  So does our voice ever really evolve or do we just perfect our lowest form of humour wit, over time?  Some parts make me cringe at my youthful self but it is quite alarming how the essence of it is not dissimilar to how I would write now.

After I post the Puberty guide (and feel free to pass it to your teenage boys, you’re welcome)  I’d like to know what you think having not met me, so only been privy to my giberish ramblings blogging posts, can you detect the same personality and style in this early work?

Then it will be over to you.  I would love to see something you wrote in your teens.  Publish something you did back then so we can all judge your development and laugh at your terrible handwriting.  If you don’t have anything then your mother will – they keep everything.

So give her a call, or arrange a visit at the prison she’s locked up at and find out where your old work is and let us have a gander at it.

I’ll show you mine…… soon as I get the scanner to work.

Leave a comment


  1. I love it! But, no. You cannot show this to my 13 year old son. No. Thanks anyway.

    • Spare judgement til I post it, it’s very helpful for a confused young man. My teacher was female, maybe she just couldn’t relate to the problems I had.

      I need to track her down and demand she evaluates it again.

      • Okay, I will read it first. But then again, I am a female so are you hoping I can relate to it in some other cosmic way? You should track her down. Try the Bethlem Royal Hospital..yes, I looked that up.

  2. Update: I’ve scanned it and am only just reading it back in full for the first time properly ratehr than skimming over it. It’s really embarrassing! Some of the things I say are nto filthy as my teacher made out, it’s just reads how a kid would talk who thinks they are pretty damn cool.

    Why did I start this?! Why do I want to be reminded of what a douche I was a kid.

    I suppose I could read my older posts here and think the same a few years down the line.

    Now you all HAVE to put something up you did, I can’t face this shame alone.

  3. My early posts are full of my teen work. I am reblogging them, so you are in luck. Also, I must steal your idea of crossing out the subliminal message part of some posts. Brilliant.

  4. Don’t worry about the shame of posting, Joe.
    And remember, we’ll be laughing at you, not near you. 😉

    Also, I posted my naked bar dance, so I’m pretty sure I’m already covered here.

  5. I love this idea Joe and I especially like that you thought of doing stuff like this when you were in school. Good for you! If only I would have had that much imagination back when I was in high school, I certainly would have had a lot more fun! I think my mother saved one poem I wrote. I didn’t understand it then and I don’t understand it now. But I MEANT every word of it! 😀

  6. Brilliant idea, Joe. I might have to dig up something from middle school. I think I’m afraid to find out that my writing hasn’t improved much.

    • Please do, I really want to see peoples stuff, it doesn;t have to be proper stuff, school work is the best, especially when it’s probably been rushed at the last minute the night before it was due. Working homework around your social life got us used to deadlines and set us up for adult life when we get too drunk the night before an important meeting at work.

  7. Love the idea! Alas I have no writing from my teen years, and no mother to call. I could call the prison and ask for a daughterless mother, but I don’t think I could do the visitation, it’s a long drive.

  8. I would happily show you mine if I could find them. (Yes, I’m talking about my writing from my teen years.) I think I may have thrown them all out in a fit of cleaning many many many years ago, thinking, “Eh, I’m never going to want to look at these again.” I wasn’t too smart.

    • Luckily I left all my schoolwork with my mother. Next time I go home (it’s been two years so it will probably be soon) I’ll photo some old artwork. In one class we had to re-design a movie poster and I did Point Break, After leaving school I dropped back in and it was still on display and someone had drawn a penis on Patrick Swayze and Keanu’s foreheads. I don’t know which was more alarming, my defaced artwork or the fact they let adults wander freely around the corridors (see the link in the post where the school is under scrutiny for all kinds of dodgy things)

  9. I don’t have any of my stuff from my teenage years & my mother doesn’t have it either because I never shared any of the truly good stuff with anyone but my friends. But most of it was typical romance type stuff. No sex though because I wouldn’t have had a clue!


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