Wham Bam thank you Spam

It’s been a while since I’ve spent time with my spam folder, let’s see what they have to say about my posts.

Reply to The Best gigs I never went to

Hello my name is Merle Dean Shamblin and I would like to be your new friend. I sure could use somebody to chat with. I am a 47-year-old long haul truck driver who currently lives in Duncan Oklahoma. Dec 8th 1960 I was born in Fairview Oklahoma. Moved to Caddo and Washita counties where I attended school at Colony Hydro and Weatherford. My parents Malvin and Wanda Shamblin were cotton and peanut farmers. Dad died in 99 from lung cancer. Graduated from SWOSU with a business degree. My two sisters are LaDonna Hubert and Malva Burrahm. Dennis is my brother. I have been a truck driver for 14 years and have driven 2 million paid miles. I have received many safe driving awards over the years. I am single and have never been married. I have a wide range of interests and am pretty much an open book. Currently I drive a 2006 Freightliner for a major carrier. I don’t go to Canada very often. I don’t have a dedicated route so I run the entire lower 48. I enjoy reading cinema music sports travel etc. I am gay and versatile.

Woah Merle, I never saw that final line coming.  That hit me like a long haul truck.  

Sorry about your dad Merle, if you were British and he had lived to 100 he would have had a letter from The Queen.  What a shame he didn’t hang on that bit longer, or that he’s not British. 

I actually can’t make fun out of you, you don’t seem like one of those murdering truck drivers.   But I bet everyone who gets decapitated by them thinks that at first. 

I have a few tips on the dating front Merle, less of the details on your brother and sisters and your dads death, it’s not gonna get it up for some people.

I’ve created a shorter version you should use:

Juggernaut needs to dump his load.  Hop in my cab and get my horns honking.

(ps. not a murderer)

.

TRMS replied to Nirvana cover version contest

Such bullshit saying the original is the best. The first guy to play Hamlet wasn’t the best. Hell the first person to play Juliet was a freaking GUY doesn’t make him the best. Idina is not the best hers is just one interpretation of the character

How do you know he wasn’t the best, it was 400 years ago!?

O.M.G!!!   Juleit played by…a GUY!!!  Freaking no way!  Let me get this straight in my head..a man…playing a WOMAN!!!  Too fucking weird…..

.

Sjoerd replied to Happy Birthday Boobies

I’m currently in a long distance relationship (7 hrs apart) and am finding it increasingly difficult to be patient and content through the dating phase. I was hoping Carissa might have some advice as to how she survived 16 months! Any particular scriptures that helped you to make it through?

Can I introduce you to Merle?

.

Rajesh replied to A scientific breakthrough

Thanks for the tips shared on your blog. Something else I would like to convey is that weight loss is not all about going on a dietary fads and trying to get rid of as much weight as possible in a few days. The most effective way in losing weight is by taking it gradually and using some basic recommendations which can enable you to make the most from your attempt to lose fat. You may know and already be following most of these tips, however reinforcing understanding never does any damage.

Are you calling me fat?

.

Aruna  replied to and the winner is

Hello, you used to write great, but the last few posts have been kinda boring, I miss your super writings. Past few posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!

Fuck you Aruna   (is that super enough for you?)

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Marco replied Happy birthday boobies

My boyfriend and I just broke up after dating for 6 months. I know it’s not the end of the world, but sometimes it feels like it!!!! It wasn’t a bad relationship. We didn’t sin sexually. We didn’t have lots of fights. We just figured out that we weren’t compatiable long-term. Our lives were going to 2 different places.How do you handle break ups?

You go on the rebound that’s how, I have THE perfect guy for you, his name’s Merle.

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62 Comments

  1. laurengraceevans

     /  April 30, 2012

    “Fuck you Aruna (is that super enough for you?)”

    That’s the best reply you could have given!

    Reply
  2. I have to do boring stuff for a while, but I will be back (probably when you are drinking or sleeping) I just had to let you know that those are so funny and your responses had me laughing out loud for real! You are the best. Seriously.

    Reply
    • You must get good spam, any sweat words and now you mentioned porn this week will do the trick

      Reply
    • I just realised merles dad died in 99 not when he was 99. I wasn’t really listening to merle. I think that happens to him a lot

      Reply
      • lol, poor misunderstood merle.

        Reply
      • I’m going to read this every time I am feeling depressed. You are so funny Joe. If I could follow you a hundred times, I would. Hope you are having wonderful dreams of things that are not Merle.

        Reply
        • It’s a lonely life on the road. That’s why the end up murdering people, their pent up affections go overboard

          Reply
          • Lol, sad but true. My husband is a truck driver, but he is mostly local. I don’t think he has killed anyone yet, but he sure has wanted to sometimes.

            Reply
            • No way!!! Sorry for the analogy! Local’s good, he can’t dump bodies nearby, only works long haul so you can cover your tracks.

              Reply
              • It is fine. 😉 I think it is funny and true about the crazy drivers. There is a whole different world if you are a truck driver though. Most of them are awesome. We lived in his truck for a while when we were first dating. Went all over the road then, but we didn’t find anyone worth killing.

                Reply
                • I imagine you were like Bonnie and Clyde!

                  Reply
                  • It was fun. It is nice to have a house though. That was when I could walk. I couldn’t do it now, but it was really cool to see so much of the country.

                    Reply
  3. Your spam is so much more interesting and ‘super’ than mine.

    Reply
  4. My spam is so boring compared to yours! Good on you!

    Reply
  5. I think Merle deserves a second glance Joe- he IS, after all, versatile! You might be acting a little bit insensitive towards him. Maybe.

    Reply
    • I’ll need to know what his share of his fathers inheritance was first

      Reply
    • Happy Birthday! I tried doing it form my phone on your blog but your videos made my phone crash and then it got really red hot!

      Reply
      • Thank YOU Joe!! This is my first ever ‘Happy Birthday’ wish from London! WHOOT!!

        I made you red -hot or my blog made you red hot?

        Whichever it is, I am sorry we/I made your phone crash- it was a f#cking hot party over there- it could not be stopped!

        Soooo, when can Holy Hobbler & I come to visit? I’m good at Trivia games…

        Reply
        • My phone just strated burning, I had to throw it down

          Are you talking about the word porn, or am I getting confused?

          Reply
  6. I agree with Ginger Snaap – give the lad a second chance! He sounds a bit strange but that is probably down to nerves.

    Reply
    • Too old for me and on the other side of the pond. I need my US bloggers help in matchmaking Merle

      Reply
  7. That Merle sounds like a prize! Seriously, I may fight Aruna for him :-))

    Reply
  8. I’m tempted to take up a collection to buy Merle a comma key for his computer.

    Reply
    • He’s probably punching it in with his big man hands on his phone whilst driving. Any reports of multiple pile ups over there caused by a long haul truck?

      Reply
  9. Sheesh, if any of these people really wanted to be your friend, they’d have given you tips on how to get a better SEO rank.

    Reply
    • I thought you were banned from Joe’s blog Guap. You know, the whole “he likes awesome people” stuff…

      Reply
      • ha.
        hahaha.
        hahahahahaha.
        haha.

        Sigh…

        Reply
        • lol, you know that I love Joe right? I am totally obsessed with him. When I get stressed from my own blog drama, I just come here and sit, read, comment, rest. He lets me. I will let you come around here, just know that other than Lily, I am the coolest girl he knows. Okay, so maybe not… 😉

          Reply
          • If I’m thinking of the right Lily, you should follow her on Twitter. She doesn’t tweet often, but when she does, it’s usually hilarious.
            Her blog is pretty good too…

            Reply
          • I know tons of cool chicks, I don’t have a ceiling on the amount I have though, the more the merrier, you may have to battle it out with the ones I’ve had for years.

            Interesting fight that would be…

            Reply
      • I don’t ban anyone, if I am prepared to let Merle into the circle then anyone is welcome

        Reply
        • I know Joe. I was just teasing EG. We like fighting over you. Right Guap?

          Reply
          • Not so much of a fighter. Not worth the effort anymore.
            Spent a lot of effort learning to relax.
            Mostly I prefer calm, unless there’s a reason to disturb it.

            Reply
  10. Sometimes spams are really fun to read and you actually got the funniest of them. And your reply to Aruna was the best one. Great post.

    Reply
    • Thanks, I try to be careful as someitmes genuine ones sneka in there. I hope Aruna was not a real one. She won’t be comign back if she was.

      Reply
  11. Oh man, you are one crazy crazy Brit. I almost shat a turtle when I read your response to Merle.

    *No turtles were harmed in the reading of this post

    Reply
    • I’m gonna steal that phrase, I’m always looking for a different way to say I need to go to the toilet when we discuss our bowel movements with my friends down the pub.

      Reply
  12. Wow. I’m impressed. Most of my spam comments are from non-native English speakers. *sigh* Oh, to have good spam……….

    Reply
  1. More than porn | Hobbling Around
  2. More than porn « I probably shouldn't have said that…

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