The ticking clock

I’ve spent all week looking forwardo juicy fillet steak I plan for my dinner then I just read about a new report that links eating red meat to losing a year off your life.  It is estimated for every portion you eat, half an hour is knocked off your life, and even likened it to smoking two cigarettes a day.

Smoking is estimated to take 10 years off your life

73 years is the average life expectancy for a man in the UK

Eating two rashers of bacon a day increases pancreatic cancer, and a can of fizzy pop can cause a 20% increase in heart disease

So far I’ve calculated I have until I’m 60.

Then drinking comes into the equation and no doubt this wiped off a couple of years, it’s probably just as well I have no pension plan as I’m not gonna need it at this rate.  Though I’m informed on good authority from She’s a Maineiac that drinking’s effect is severely worsened after 40 that you can’t drink much anyway, judging by a the longest hangover ever recorded which has wiped out my whole Easter weekend then I now think 40 is being generous and I’ll be lucky to carry it on in two years time.

I can reverse this trend as exercise can add 5.7 years to your life expectancy, not good reading since I haven’t exercised in 6 months.

My Wii Fit says I have the body of a 58-year-old right now, so by tapping frantically into my calculator I estimate that……I’m probably dead already.

 

 

 

 

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37 Comments

  1. laurengraceevans

     /  April 9, 2012

    I don’t believe in any of those “facts” about red meat making your death come along a bit quicker. If I believed in any of them I wouldn’t have any fun. So I have come to the conclusion that all those “facts” are fun-suckers. They can go suck something else.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

     /  April 9, 2012

    Jasper Carrott says something similar here – great stuff!

    Reply
  3. This is exactly why I believe schools shouldn’t teach math to students. Or statistics.

    Also, English (though that could cause problems when trying to read the instructions on how to cook your bacon.)

    Reply
  4. Sorry to hear that. A Blog from the other side would get ’em in!

    Reply
  5. When they say something takes a year or two or ten off your life, it is the back end. If I could relive the 70s, I would give up smoking, red meat and candy.

    Reply
  6. I think I am dead too, then! Awesome. That means I can help Hobbler lick your windows, and you’ll be none the wiser!

    Reply
    • You may see a ghostly image through them, then I will follow you both home, haunting sounds like the stalking of the afterlife!

      Reply
  7. I guess the steak I I’m eating tonight will take yet another few years off my life…I think it’s worth it. I’m all in!

    Reply
  8. But wait… how long does it take you to eat the steak in the first place?

    Reply
  9. I’m going to live forever – just because I can’t do all that math!

    Reply
  10. Sorry…you can’t die quite yet. I still haven’t found you on Facebook.

    Reply
    • You can just email it to me, and die a little faster. Seriously, I was thinking about this when I was looking for you on FB, and I actually know tons of real-life personal information about you, from your real name to where you do your laundry…I don’t want you to get a real person stalker (cause I would be jealous). Anyway, just be careful SU.

      Reply
    • Too late, I’m writing my first post as a ghost

      Reply
  11. Dude, hate to be a broken record, but cut down on the drinking and have a bong. Give your liver a break and come up with some really good blog ideas and new recipes.
    Problem solved plus you added ten years.

    Reply
  12. Unless the average man in the UK is a teetotaling vegan, that 73-year life expectancy probably takes some meat-eating and booze into account.

    Reply
  13. You forgot to add 6 months for laughter and a whole year for belly laughs. Thank you for my extra year… I think. 🙂

    Reply
  14. That is a lot of math. I say just enjoy life, and test the odds!

    Reply
  15. Uggh, it’s so depressing reading things that make bothering to grow old gracefully absolutely pointless.. I think i’m going to take my cue from the pickled elders I see down the pub, who start with wine for lunch and keep going. I also think stressing about health or age will knock years from your life 🙂

    Reply
  1. My life as a ghost « londonsurvival

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