The Budget 2012

The Chancellor of the Exchequer this week revealed the year’s budget plans, this led to widespread celebration by the wealthy as they were handed more cash to spend on yacht accessories.

BOOYAH!

Hardest hit were the nations alcoholics, as well as the rise in duty plans were also released to increase prices on poor people’s choice of tipple in an attempt to curb Britain’s age-old traditional culture of binge drinking.

The Government has recently been accused of eroding British identity with these measures, I met with a spokesman for BAFTEC  (Blokes Against Foreign Things Except Curries) who said:

“Binge drinking is as much a part of our ‘eritage as morris dancin’ and beheading,  it’s my god given right as an English geezer to get hammered on cheap booze, piss in the street, have a bit of a punch-up and that, but whatshisname wants us to be all foreign and fancy, he’d have us kissing each uvver on the cheeks and that like some pansy”

So could heartwarming scenes like these girls enjoying a night out be consigned to the history books?

Other sources say this will have no effect on the binge drinking population most of whom don’t buy bucket sized ciders and super-strength lager.  Statistics report that the most hard hit will be our indigenous tramp population.

I met with the chairman of the Tramps Association,  Fergus McCoonty and asked him how this fiscal increase is going to impact on his welfare and what knock on effect this will have for the next generation of tramps, he replied:

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30 Comments

  1. So, that’s where you were the other night when you pretended to be kidnapped. Just hanging out with the three drunk girls. Shame on you SU…

    Reply
  2. You know what’s a good yacht accessory? Alcohol.

    Reply
    • I bet there’s a great google image of someone cracking champagne on a yacht. I should have researched more.

      Reply
  3. Laff

     /  March 23, 2012

    I need that… made my day!

    Reply
  4. I just noticed Newsthump have taken their own slant on this and I think we both posted them at the same time

    http://newsthump.com/2012/03/23/ugly-fat-people-fearful-for-sex-lives-as-government-proposes-minimum-alcohol-price/

    Considering they probably have a squillion followers, how do our stories compare?

    Reply
  5. Hahaha… that one is great! … feeling like wild-partying tonight, high of plonk, hip, as a British in Ibiza… same ideas today 🙂

    Reply
    • It’s sunny out, it will either result in much merriment or it’ll tip over into rioting and looting again.

      Reply
  6. But alcohol makes babies and more babies equals more votes.

    Reply
  7. I can only hope these important voices are heard before it’s too late!

    Reply
  8. The alcoholics are always hardest hit. Good thing they can’t feel the pain.

    Reply
  9. Very funny post! Didnt realize you were from England 🙂 Glad to see the hardest hit population is the population which can drown their sorrows in…oh wait…well theres always sex 😉

    Reply
    • yes, we’re a proud nation. prices actually went up in the pub half way through the night on Friday, there was almost a riot. Well, not quite a riot but some complaining anyway

      Reply
  10. Fookin’ Grate!

    Reply

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