Primrose Hill Celebrity Soup

I’m attending a charity bash Thursday to raise money for Primrose Hill library, the event is hosted by playwright Alan Bennett, I’ll speak to him about turning A Recipe for Murder into a stage play, I’ll let you know how I get on.

Primrose Hill you may know is the affluent part of Camden, home to Gwyneth Paltrow, Jude Law, Jamie Oliver, Tim Burton and Helena Burton Bonham Carter Tim.   I don’t expect any of them will be in attendance, though I hope they have donated cash towards the fund – or at least returned their overdue library books.

They’ve racked up quite a bill in overdue fees.

Jude Law owes 45p for not returning this book:

Jamie Oliver is up to his neck in debt for keeping a book for 3 months now and owes £1.65, the strange thing is he borrowed his own book!  Word is he was in need of a mirror that morning and thought this would be the next best thing.

Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter famously bought two houses next door to each other and live separately with an internal door giving them access to each others homes.  They use this to their advantage when the library collection van makes its rounds, when Helena Bonham Carter sees them coming up her path to collect her overdue library book she just goes through the internal door to Tim Burton’s side to hideout.

You’d think if they can afford two houses that they can just pay the 75p overdue fee.   At least her choice of book explains some of her many red carpet fashion faux-pas!

She also uses the internal door to play tricks on the Avon Lady when she comes calling.

Helena answers the door and pretends to be interested in the Flawless Foundation, when she says she is just going to get her purse she nips through the internal door, out of Tim Burton’s house and comes up her path behind the Avon Lady.

The Avon Lady as you can imagine is really confused when Helena unlocks the front door to prove there was never anyone home!

In this modern age with kids having their computers and stuck in front of the TV, it’s taking its toll on our libraries.  I’m sure Gwyneth doesn’t forget to return the Valentino gown loaned to her for the Oscars so the least our celebrities can do is to honour the library card and heed the return date stamped in the inside cover.

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25 Comments

  1. Whoa — I feel like we just blogged in unison.

    Anyway, is that true about Helena and Tim’s houses? Because if so, I want to sue for intellectual property theft. I so had that idea five years ago as my dream solution to cohabitation. Shhhh — don’t tell my wonderful boyfriend whom I currently share a home with!

    Reply
    • Are you bored at work too then? what’s the time difference?

      Their houses are completely true, one Georgian terraced mansion is never enough! Maybe they just have differing decor tastes? I’m not sure I’d be on board with any of their design ideas judging by their appearance. I bet Tim Burton’s is just stacked full of old newspapers and takeaway containers.

      Reply
      • I am, indeed, bored at work! I think it’s a five-hour time difference? It’s 11:30a.m. here right now.

        I don’t know… if their decor was anything like the set designs for Tim’s movies, I’d so be on board with that. I’m picturing wildly exaggerated Haunted Mansion-esque themes. Purple and black velvet striped wallpaper. Maybe some chandeliers made of stuffed flamingos? I’m not sure where I came up with that last one.

        I just think it would be nice to have your own space to retreat to. Kind of like the current trend of “man caves,” only it’s “his and her homes.” The cave is now gender neutral and bigger. If I had my own home connected to this one, I’d be able to take naps in silence, watch whatever I wanted to on the big screen TV, be ensured that no one’s interrupting my DVR recordings with college basketball, be guaranteed that there are no dirty dishes in the sink, and I could put my antique dollhouse on display with no one thinking I’m creepy.

        And then, when I was bored and lonely, I’d walk through the connecting passageway back to my wonderful boyfriend that I’d miss horribly and regret spending so much on building a whole other house.

        Reply
        • You have thought about this a lot! I’m liking the idea, you shoudl have got a patent on that one.

          true, his house if like his movie stylings would be cool, I just imagine him to be a bit more tramp like in real life

          Reply
  2. I love libraries, and go to 4 different ones regularly around here. Good luck with the fund-raising; it’s such an important and worthy cause! (sorry there was none of my usual snarky humor here. I just feel that strongly about the whole issue.)

    Reply
    • that’s ok! they are threatening closure of about 3 in my borough. I am looking forward to it, a good cause, meeting an idol of mine and you get a free glass of wine too. It’s all good!

      Reply
  3. Okay, let’s see — Helena Bonham Carter could play Ina, Jude Law could play her assistant, Jamie Oliver could play Duff, I guess, Gwyneth Paltrow could play Giada, and Tim Burton could direct.

    Reply
    • haha! I’d started working on this already but hadn’t thought of using the locals, I was going for lookalikes. Still leaves Paula Deen though…

      Reply
  4. Ian sure that Jamie actually thought he was borrowing a Gordon Ramsey recipe book. What a huge disappointment it would have been for him when he arrived back home with his book.

    Reply
  5. Haha? “Ian” should be “I am”. Thank you Apple auto correct. Though I am sure this fictitious Ian shares my view.

    Reply
  6. Good luck with the fundraising, Joe. Libraries are near and dear to my heart. I practically lived in one my entire childhood. Those were the days!

    Reply
    • Thanks, it’s not even in the library which is odd.

      All services people need are being cut here, old peoples servcies aswell especially, even a luncheon and social events where they just go to a hall and drink cups of tea and play backgammon, surely these cost nothing to run. Probably less than the weekly bar bill at the House of Commons.

      Reply
  7. A charity bash for dummy adulterers who can cook???

    Reply
  8. They knew the whole time…you should check out the comment threads on all three of our posts from yesterday. I guess EG got emails from people about the plan. At least we tried though…it was fun.

    Reply
  9. Correction, Tim Burton bought both homes. I don’t think Helena Bonham Carter is really making that much off of Fight Club royalties. Always thought Tim Burton was married to Johnny Depp. Hmmm

    Good luck with the charity event! I’m amazed how many people still go to the library. I’m actually at mine right now. I see 2 other people and 2 more chairs with coats on them. We’re exactly a handful! But really, best of luck. Libraries are good places.

    Reply
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