Movies: Battle Los Angeles and Source Code

The downside to these rentals through your TV is that they are not well endowed with art house cinema so I often have to forego a 3 hour piece of Russian miserablism to watch something off the Hollywood conveyor belt.

I went for a double shot of testosterone this week expecting an assault on the eyes and ears, enough to make my eyeballs vomit and encourage me to go all Grand Theft Auto in my neighbourhood.

Battle Los Angeles

LA’s under sudden attack from an alien army, and they are in for an ass-whooping

Unlikely scenario number 1:  “We need you guys to go to downtown and rescue some civilians, they are the last remaining people in LA”

A small group of marines are sent into the firing line to save 5 people stuck in a police building, they have a couple of hours before the whole of LA will be levelled to kill the alien invaders.

I can’t be bothered to check the population of LA but I imagine an evacuation would have been a lot more difficult to carry out.   It’s hard enough trying to get off a packed underground train in rush hour let alone try to move the whole city out at once.   And if they had plans to bomb the whole city would they really bother going back for 5 people?  How do they know these were the last remaining people anyway.  Major flaw.

Aliens will never learn, even with all their technology they haven’t even seen an action movie before?   Before jumping in gung-ho to invade us they should research and figure out how they are gonna overcome Brice Willis or Will Smith first, they follow similar formula so they can easy deal with the hero first and then can forge ahead with world domination.

Worst line: Soldier upon dissecting an alien (who look like a transformer has mated with a jellyfish)  “I’ve never seen anything like it before”

Yes, it’s a fucking alien, moron, if you’d seen it before, it wouldn’t be so alien would it.

Verdict: Shit

"Well, I've not seen anything like you before either"

Source Code:

When Hollywood is not battling anything coming this way from space, they like to have action movies set on trains, this years entry was Source Code and they mixed it up a bit by not casting Denzel Washington, who if he ever gives up acting has a career back up due to his vast train based experiences.

Jake Gyllanhall we learn is on a mission to prevent a terrorist attack by somehow being put into the body of a passenger on a doomed train into Chicago.  He has 8 minutes before it explodes but fortunately he can keep going back to relive the 8 minutes to find the terrorist.

He has a low attention span though so he keeps drifting from his plan to chat up his companion, now that is what I call speed dating.

Verdict: Shit

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4 Comments

  1. The incisiveness of Siskel an Ebert, with the wit and mutton chops of Gene Shalit!

    If you want to properly motivate yourself to go GTA, watch all 8 seasons of 24 as fast as possible. Then drive in traffic.
    Trust me, it’s a bad idea.

    Reply
    • I don’t drive so would be a bad idea anyway, lately playing Liars or At The Drive In on my Ipod at full volume pumps me up to want to punch passers by though

      I had to google those names you mentioned, Gene Shalit is a person?! Having just seen The Muppets movie, he looks like he wouldn’t be out of place

      Reply

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