A Recipe for Murder – Part Three

Starring the chefs of Food Network

Previously on A Recipe for Murder…

The Food Network stars found Nigella Lawson dead in the bathroom, in her hand was a turkey twizzler.

Paula had now come round and was eyeing up the turkey twizzler in Nigella’s stiffening hand, Rachel saw Paula’s drooling and subdued her with a  twinky from her handbag.

The Food Network stars stared at the body in silence until it was broken by Giada

“First Bobby, now Nigella…”

“Don’t forget my Jeffrey” Ina said, “He’s still missing”

“I think you’re all forgetting the most important thing dipshits”  Rachel interrupted

They looked at Rachel with confused expressions

“That the killer must be one of us” She added.

They all cast suspicious glances at each other.

Ina thought hard for a moment.

“I need to make a call” She said

Ina said goodbye to Jessica Fletcher and began to carry out her orders.

“How much time passed between Nigella heading up here to Paula finding her body?”  Ina questioned  “TR and I had made a start on the chicken broccoli salad”

“Rachel and I left the house at the same time “Giada added “But we parted as soon as we got outside

Rachel cast Giada daggers

“I was there the whole time DeLaurenTITS”  Rachel retorted “I saw you flirting with the boys once the chopper landed”

“I stayed with the buffet until you asked me to check on Nigella” Paula replied

“Yes, that’s true, I could hear you devouring the food from the kitchen”  Ina recalled

“Guy, you suddenly appeared as it happened”  Ina questioned

“I…I had just pulled up, I heard the scream as I approached the front door”  Guy answered

Ina eyed him suspiciously

“And I was not even in the State when Bobby was grilled”  he pleaded

“Ok, it seems everyone has an alibi” Ina said.  “TR, go get Miguel from the garden, then take Nigella’s body and bury it in the hydrangea plot out back”

“Will do IG!”  replied TR

What did Jessica Fletcher tell you Ina?”  Guy asked

“She knew something about turkey twizzlers, it was just a hunch but she’s been watching a lot of television since being in prison”  Ina replied  “She mentioned the name of someone who has a vendetta against turkey twizzlers”

“Well who is it?  That sounds like a lead” Rachel replied

“Have you guys heard of Jamie Oliver?  Ina asked

“Vaguely, isn’t he the English guy trying to get junk food banned from schools?”   Paula said

“That’s right Paula, he is against fatty, processed foods and he won’t stop til he eradicates it”  Ina replied

“But didn’t he try this with only relative success in the UK?” Paula said.

“Yes, he would never get on Food Network with his agenda, so he is changing tact, he’s trying to kill every chef on the network and he’ll be waiting to preach his no processed food propaganda to the nation” Ina replied.

“That cockney motherf*king sonofabitch” Rachel said.

“We need to get kitted out” Ina said.

The chefs descended the stairs and went to the kitchen, Ina passed around aprons and armed themselves with anything they could find;  knives, electric whisks, creme brulee blowtorches and turkey basters.    TR and Miguel came back in the house covered in mud and blood stains

“Clean hands”  Ina said indicating to the boys to wash them.  “TR. I think you need to get away from here, this isn’t safe for you”

“I’m not going anywhere Ina”  as he armed himself with BBQ tongs

“Right, we pair off and we find Jamie Oliver, and we find out where Jeffrey is.   Giada, you and Duff take the east wing, Rachel, Guy you both take the basement.  Paula, Miguel you check the grounds and the Summer house, TR and I will search upstairs, good luck everyone”

“This is gonna be out of bounds”  Guy said as he smeared gravy browning on his face and slid a potato masher into his belt.

Rachel and Guy opened the basement door and descended the stairs, Rachel turned on the light, it lit up then popped instantly.

“F*cksticks” Rachel said, she pulled out her phone to use the torch but was suddenly knocked down the stairs by a heavy force.

Rachel came to but couldn’t move her legs, she squirmed to get out when she realised what was on top of her, it was Guy’s body, all 22 stone of it was crushing her.

“Get off me you big lummox” She said as she tried pushing him off.

It was then realisation set in, she felt for her phone and turned on the torch, Guy’s sunglasses were on, kebab skewers were pierced through them and protruding through the back of his head.  Blood soaked his bowling shirt.

Carved into his chest were the initials D D D.

“F*cking Diners Drive ins and Dives”  Rachel said.

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  1. Angela Lansbury! Jamie Oliver as a cereal killing cockernee wannabee American Icon? The truth will always out….


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