Movies: Abandoned and My Soul to Take

Since signing up for Netflix and Lovefilm to download through my TV and waiting to see which one irritates the hell out of me first (Lovefilm since you ask)  I’ve been watching countless offerings,  I’ll rate each film either Hit or Shit.

The downside of these services is they have a small database of movies on download, especially Netflix having only just launched in the UK, and they seem to delete stuff from them so you have a small window to watch them, they also only have about 4 films made in the last two years so these reviews won’t be any use to you as you’ve most likely seen them.

Abandoned

Starring Brittany Murphy and Dean Cain

New partners Brittany and Dean are on their way to the hospital for Dean’s operation.  Mystery ensues when he goes missing in the hospital and Bittany tries to find him even though it appears there is no record of him there.  Is she crazy?  Is she whacked out on drugs?

The first thing that strikes you is how terrible Dean Cain looks and you realise why he has been out of the public eye so long.  This guy with the puffy eyes and dermatological problems was once Superman.  He has aged badly.  Brittany herself looks no better but seeing how her death came about this may come as no surprise.  What is it with these Hollywood types and their addiction to prescription meds, they can afford much better drugs and anyway don’t they read the instruction leaflets, there is a clause in there saying don’t mix with alcohol or minor celebrities.

Brittany can't stop laughing at Dean's puffy face

She spends most of the film frantically running around the most badly run hospital imaginable where they don’t lock any doors and have dead bodies just lying around in the morgue.  And her running, she has this really strange way of running, no wonder all the action roles go to Angelina Jolie, Brittany runs like somebody with Ricketts.

The mystery unravelled in such a way that it was more like an episode of Quincy rather than a movie you would pay good money for.  I’m assuming this went straight to DVD.

Verdict: Shit

My Soul to Take

Saturday night – a great time to watch a horror movie right and who better than one of the genres most famed exponents, Wes Craven.  Or so you’d think

The story tells us of  a serial killer who dies on the day 7 kids are born in the same hospital of this small town.   So this is about a third of the class at school, did their parents hold an unprotected sex orgy 9 months before this event?

Legend dictates that on their 16th birthday the ghost of the serial killer will come back and get stabby, you reckon there are echoes of Nightmare on Elm Street here, well no since the evil dude had no scare factor, the killer looked more like a hobo and I would be more frightened of being asked to part with 50p for a cup of tea.

Can you spare any change?

He made his way through murdering the kids then it became more convoluted and I fell asleep.   I woke up and had no idea what was going on and nor did I care.   The best bit was when the serial killer said, “this is for you, you c**t” as he slashed someone about 10 minutes into the movie.

I should have watched Sharks in Venice instead.

Verdict: Shit

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11 Comments

  1. My Soul to Take was pretty bad. Great post. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Yamina

     /  February 1, 2012

    Great read as per always 🙂

    Reply
  3. That’s my Saturday night ruined then!

    Reply
    • Your night’s ruined because I’m going on Saturday!! (your comment appeared right under the post my friend sent who I am meeting Saturday night)

      Oh you mean the movie 😉

      Reply
  4. “Lovefilm”??? Definitely wouldn’t think that would be the name of a service offering Abandoned or My Soul to Take. Sounds more like they’d recommend A-gang-banged or My Cherry to Take.

    Reply
    • Do you not have it? It’s run by Amazon. Now Netflix only just arrived to oust them. I’ll add the gang bang and cherry films to my rental list now! 🙂

      Reply
      • No Lovefilm here that I know of. I know we have Amazon Unbox for streaming movies, though that may only be offered through TiVo.

        Netflix probably only just showed up overseas since they lost most of their customers here! People were none too pleased with their price increases. A lot of people (myself included) have switched to using Blockbuster’s mail program.

        Reply

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