Terra Nova Review

This had been saved on my Sky box since the adverts started a few weeks ago, proudly exclaiming Steven Spielberg produced it, usually when a film or show name drop its producer then  is especially weak and it didn’t take long to have me screaming at the TV in disbelief.

Relic from the Jurassic era

On paper its a great premise, in the year 2149 Earth has used up its resources and the planet is heavily polluted (presumably Spielberg’s response to Cameron’s Avatar – condescendingly telling us we’re destroying the planet though with the millions spent I wonder if that money would have been put to better use actually saving the planet)   People are then being transported back in time to the Jurassic age to start over again.  

The first faux pas happened within 5 minutes, when the main protagonist returned home to be greeted by his family and they are all wearing clothes from the current age.  As soon as the son appeared in skinny jeans and a hooded lumberjack shirt I assumed he’d been to the sale at The Gap, they’re currently reducing their stocks since Kings of Leon’s 15 minutes are up. 

Terra Nova charachters model Gap's 2011 Autumn range

I don’t expect tin foil jumpsuits or any other sci-fi clichés, but I would have thought in 140 years that we will have moved on from 2011’s high street fashion styles, I could be jumping the gun as it could be a retro thing going on in 2149, but the equivalent would be the youth of today dressing in 19th century clobber.  

There was a knock on the door as the authorities had arrived looking for illegal children, you’re only allowed 2 in 2149 you see, but these sneaky citizens had 3, it was obvious she would be caught as they hid her in a wall panel but with 4 cops searching what looked like a studio apartment it was inevitable there would be lack of hiding places, there was barely enough wardrobe space to store their retro clothing.  A fight ensued and the father himself a cop was banged up for the next two years.

In the meantime his wife, a doctor, was called up to Terra Nova, to be warped back to the age of the dinosaurs, so she hatched her husbands escape from prison by passing him a USB stick which could cut through a metal beaker.  We didn’t see the escape effort though which was hugely disappointing – who doesn’t like a good prison break story?  He then managed to get through to the time warp without too much kerfuffle.

They arrived in the past and headed to their new home, the security gates meeting them were made of wood and I wondered how this would keep out a giant lizard who could easily up-root trees?  Then as they went inside they had technology procured from the future, CCTV appeared ala Minority Report so they could watch the entire camp going about their activities.  So they had carried over this technology but they decided to protect it all with a garden fence?  No one thought to bring some futuristic materials back?  But then the father had escaped from the prison walls easily enough with his data stick so it’s suitability to keep T-Rex at bay would be dubious.

Toilet facilities left a lot to be desired

He was found out upon arriving and handed gardening duties as punishment, but it only took him under 24 hours to be made part of the security team – I suppose you show an ounce of aptitude in the future in the prehistoric age then you can whizz up that career ladder.   Something that can’t be said of his misbehaving son who on his first day skipped class and fell in with a bad crowd and hopped the fence into the wilderness which inevitably turned sour – he’ll be on gardening duties soon if he’s not careful.

He had fallen out with his father so was rebelling and doing what he pleased which was odd since only minutes earlier in the future he refused to go through the time warp without his father in tow – teenagers are so fickle, some things never change I guess.

So the rebellious teens got themselves into some scrapes with a bunch of dinosaurs, but so annoying are the kids that you end up being on the side of the dinosaurs and urging them to rip the jeep open like a tin can and pluck the wretched oiks to their doom.  Later a search party was formed which his newly promoted father and doctor wife tagged along with, soon enough they found a casualty, barely alive after being clawed by Godzilla, luckily they had a doctor on hand to deal with this emergency…..well, that was after she had a quick look at the injured then went and had a chat with her husband as the poor girl was gasping for breath.  I sensed a negligence lawsuit coming on.

A recurring theme of the show, with everything going on around them there was always time to gaze into each others eyes

Eventually she decided to do some work and headed back to the compound with the injured girl, later the rest of the rescued party arrived, one with his leg hanging off the other with his chest ripped open, her son not a scratch…but as they were rushed into the medical bay did she take to her stations and deal with these savaged teens?  No, she had another chat with her hubby and then greeted her son and they all had a hug.   I swear from inside I heard the cry “Is there a doctor in the house?  They’re dying in here!”

With the day coming to a close they all stood outside their home in wonder of the moon and all had another big hug.   And I poured myself a large drink – I needed it.

It could have been a brilliant piece of sci-fi/di-fi  (I made that up) but they seem to have decided some fans of Sesame Street should be tuning in so added an extra dose of schmaltz. 

Pity

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4 Comments

  1. Absolutely dead on. These were my same observations. No wonder it was cancelled here after just a few months.

    Reply
    • How did you wind up on such an old post! Yeah, terrible show. That doctor…ugh, she’s annoying me thinking about her negligence

      Reply
      • I’ve just been trolling the blogs. I don’t usually pay much attention to the date of it, just the title. Some shows just shouldn’t be made.

        Reply
        • If it were made for a later audience not the family market it may have been ok. Thanks for checking back though, now and again I do link to an old post I thought was good that no one saw

          Reply

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