Tattoo You

Last weekend saw the annual Tattoo convention in London, I would have reported on it but I stupidly set my reminder to go a week late  (It’s a habit lately, I just had to frantically reschedule train tickets for my boss which I booked up next week instead of tomorrow).   I’m not too disheartened I missed the convention as I’d be out of place amongst the seriously inked and envisaged being held to account for being bare skinned.

I am planning my first tattoo in Thailand later this year, a decision I have been mulling over for 20 years due to my fickleness, so I read with interest the following data from the BBC website on those bearing regrets:

Top five removal reasons (Source: Jonathan Sheril at The Body Clinic)

  • 1. Partner’s name tattooed and have now split up
  • 2. Women getting married say it would ruin the look of their dress
  • 3. It is not what they expected
  • 4. Becoming a parent
  • 5. It no longer seems cool

This got me thinking about their dilemmas and possible solutions:

  1. Look to date future partners of the same name as your tattoo, many people use their name in the moniker of their online dating site handle, you should have a healthy pool of potential partners to pick from.  This may not be the case if you had previously dated Bob Geldof’s children, the chances of finding another Fifi Trixiebell are slim.
  2. It depends where the tattoo is situated, a tattoo popular with women in the UK is the tramp stamp, a tattoo emblazoned across your lower back so it wouldn’t be seen unless your wedding dress is a variation on a boob tube.  This is the least of your worries on your wedding day, of more importance is why can’t you find either your groom or chief bridesmaid – where can they be? 

    Just as well a tattoo isn't ruining her dress...Oh

  3. So you didn’t get the design transferred on by the artist beforehand?  Was it lucky dip day at the parlour and you had to pick it out of a hat?  Reminds me of the story of the girl who fell ‘asleep’ in the chair to wake up with a face covered in star tattoos, she later retracted this statement. 
  4. Nothing has to change, I recall a couple from my hometown, two goths, they’d customised the pram into something quite Tim Burtonesque.
  5. Are tattoos ever cool?  I suppose some people copy celebrity tattoos, better to stick to ripping off their hairstyles and dubious fashion sense.

    So being a complete tool IS a crime

 An argument recently levelled at me was how ridiculous I would look when old.  Without the benefit of hindsight it’s quite possible I will look ridiculous with leathered sagging skin distorting the tattoo, but you’re thoughts on your tattoo will pale into insignificance when you’re more worried about your dodgy hip.   It’ll be covered by a sensible cardigan anyway.

Friends told me you won’t be able to stop once you start, herein lies the dilemma to the addiction to tattooing and reaching old age as depicted perfectly by John Lynch the worlds most pierced man who also goes by the aptly named pseudonym, Prince Albert. 

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