Drag Race

I left Camden for the night, a momentous occasion since I rarely leave, hotfooting it up to Highgate for a play about the relationship between Bette Davis and Joan Crawford.

Here’s a few lessons I learnt from this trip:

  • Don’t drink 3 pints of cider prior to going to a small theatre, trying to crawl over people’s laps for an emergency toilet break is most uncouth
  • Don’t wear clumpy boots when the stairs are made of balsa wood
  • Don’t lie about your job.  I have a habit of manufacturing a story as telling people my actual job is very boring.  So when thespian types ask if you’re in the theatre and you answer affirmatively then you’re gonna come unstuck – there is only so much mileage you can get from playing Pinocchio in the school play when you were 7 years old.

The play was good despite my efforts to steal the limelight with my impromptu performance piece “L’urgence de toilette”.  Although I was left wondering how much of a difference two drag queens playing these iconic characters would have made, it was still funny at times but appeared a bit disjointed.   But then drag queens playing any role would usually result in much hilarity, there should be more opportunities for them in the mainstream media, how great would the news be fronted by someone in a synthetic wig, troweled on make up and read with scathing wit.

Men in dresses

On that subject, my friend decided he’s going to become a drag queen and bet me that in 12 months time he would have performed on stage.  Of course I took the bet and not just because of my gambling addiction, this is a surefire winner as there isn’t a chance he’ll do it, throwing on a frock and strapping on some ruby slippers does not a drag queen make – that’s just a bloke in a dress.

“What will your act consist of?  I queried.   “I’ll mime a few songs than be bitchy to the audience”   Now, I’m no expert, but surely the point in being on stage performing in what ever medium is to entertain your audience?  Although there could be quite a bit of pleasure to derive from seeing someone fall flat on stage. 

To counteract his mission, I’ve said I’ll write a play and ask one of the drag queens in The Black Cap to perform it.  I’ll bet that’ll be on stage quicker than he can stuff himself into a pair of drag pants and belt out “I Will Survive”  

As RuPaul would say “Start your engines…….”

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